Puker Cat

 

Hellooooo,

So. I'm kinda worthless today. I did sleep OK. That was great. But I went to my roomie's house and I swear, I just struggle to find a groove and go with it. I got more in the car but of course I haven't brought it up yet. I vacuumed the whole TV floor, which includes the room I used as an office and the laundry room, then I swept the laundry room and mopped it. Then I wiped down the shelves in the bedroom/office because they are built into the wall and my little puker cat, Mocha, barfed in various places so I got that all cleaned up and then....the pffffftttt. 

I came home, was so exhausted I slept on the couch as in my absence my daughter had commandeered my bed.

And I just got up an hour ago. What the Actual Fuck Chuck?

I don't know what the hell to do about myself anymore. My friend Tracy took my daughter and I out to eat last night and her hubby was with. It helped getting out for awhile but I laid down right when I got home. This lethargy is something else with me. It runs deep.

Anyways, she was telling me what she takes for sleep. It's not addictive but it's still controlled because it's what they call an hypnotic. Like if she doesn't go to bed right away, she becomes completely unaware and does weird shit. Funny shit but weird shit too. I already have had issues with sleep walking though that was years ago. I woke up in the dead of winter, across the street, barefoot and in a nightgown once. I'm lucky I woke up and didn't lie down and just go back to sleep. That never happened before and it has not happened since. It was about a 3 month period of time. My son finally put bells on the apartment door so he'd hear me if I went out.

But I might try that. 

Or maybe not. 

I just read up on it. She's been taking it for years but it says it's not intended for that. People report doing all sorts of shit and not remembering it. That's maybe not for me.

Have I written about the fact that I've been having pain in my tummy. Mostly it's right under my belly button area but right now, it's on the right side, right under the belly button line. GasX seems to help but not always. And the antacid shit doesn't even put a dent in the discomfort. It's not so painful I need anything but it's unpleasant to say the least.

It's not a constant thing but it is daily and once it starts, it doesn't go away until I go to sleep. So that's fun. 

I know I've said this before, but I think I'm super depressed. It's not wah wah wah depressed. It's obviously functional depression but I'm sad a lot, I'm not motivated at all and I can tear up for no reason whatsoever...it sucks.

I applied for jobs yesterday but I really need to be applying all day long. I struggle with the fact that the apartment is still not done although it's close, it's just so close but I just can't seem to get there.

Ok, well, soon I have to bring my kiddo to work and I'll be picking her up so I really need to do something productive in the inbetween. 

Or the upside down. 

Ha.

Bring me back to the 80s, only let me have the self-awareness I have now. Let me be young and pretty, let me have the energy I had then (although I've always been a lazy mf), let me have my beautiful hair and let me just be free. Let me have my kids and be a good mom.

Here we go, down the rabbit hole.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, fuck the rabbit hole, I know.

Well alrighty then.

Have a good evening.

Be Blessed.

Love & Light,

Neecie