Disintegration

 

Good Morning,

If we were on the East Coast, I couldn't say that but we are not, so good morning.

It's been a productive one already. 

I got up, did my skincare and haircare routine, fed the cats, meditated, made my coffee, made my bed, made my protein shake, went to the gym, did the treadmill and the circuit thingee, sat in the massage chair, went to my roommate's and grabbed what would fit in the car but left the front seat because then I went to Walmart, packed that stuff up, came home, got everything either in the dumpster or up to my place, made my breakfast and now I'm blogging.

The key to all of this is to just take my time, take deep breaths, tell myself, "you got this girl." And, you know, I did. 

There is more, there is always more and we'll see how I maintain as I go through the day. I have so much to do...including job search.

One of the things on my list has to come off because it involves the file cabinet and I wasn't able to get my files over here. Too heavy and wouldn't fit in the car. That's A-OK because like I said, there is plenty on my list.

One of things I've decided is that pretty much all my intentional exercise is going to take place Monday through Friday. I need a break. 

Weekends won't be a total freeby, just no intentional exercise and I want to have more time to dedicate to product making, working on Willow's Whimsy business stuff, grocery shopping and cooking and spending time with friends.

I'm trying to stay off of the phone though. To me, it's such a waste of time when I could be doing other things. Beast is in Washington and my Auntie Weezah is in Florida so those are the only two exceptions. Anyone here, yes, I'll have short conversations but I'd rather meet face to face.

The phone can be a huge trigger for me, especially when I have a lot to do. 

I am excited for this weekend because my sister and both my daughters will be here. We are going to have a girl's night/sleepover.

I am hoping we won't order food, I can't afford it. So I am going to make a couple desserts, and just a ton of finger food stuff; and I hope they like it.

The going out to eat thing for me is nice but I just can't afford it right now. I like cooking for these kinds of things ya know?

Alright. Let's see. What else do I have for you?

Mental health wise, I'm OK today. I've had a few moments of the weepies. My son's precious kitty passed yesterday and I loved her, she lived with me for a brief time when my son first got her. We bonded one time when I doing shrooms, it was hysterical. She was sweet, sassy, a boss bitch all the way and funny when she felt like it. I'm sad. I'm sad for my son and his girlfriend too, these things are fucking hell to go through. 

And you know, my Queen, my baby girl Grey, she's 15 and a half and it just makes me nervous. Things can change so quickly.

Everytime I think about losing her, I disintegrate into tears.

But other than that, I would say on a scale of 0 - 10, my anxiety is at a 3. It's manageable.

I slept over 7 hours last night so you know I'm happy as a MF about that. I haven't had an edible in a week and I haven't taken anything the last 3 nights. Last night was the best of those 3 but I came in at just over 6 the night before last night and I think 5 something the first night. I'll take it.

I do not drink coffee after 12PM. In fact, I usually have just the one cup now, in the morning. I've been pretty active but also very good about slowing down a couple hours before I actually lay my head down.

I've been dreaming a lot but for the most part, not remembering the dreams. I know had one and momma was in it but I can't tell you what she said or did. It was good to see her.

Oh dear, tears again. I can't even think of her without it happening. I suppose maybe someday?

Alright, well this has been a nice little break.

I'm off to do more, to keep plugging away.

Have a great day loves.

Be Blessed.

Love & Light,

Neecie