Armchair Warriors

 

Hi Everyone,

Bla. That's how I'm rollin' today. Bla.

With me, an awesome kickass day is usually followed by a bla day. The good news is...the apartment is clean!

So a bit of bla can be allowed.

I will say that while I intend to pretty much bla it out today, I will do so from the perspective that I will be mostly at home. 

I do have to pick up groceries (I order them and then pickup) so I'll go out for that. I have to drop my kiddo off at work and pick her up later and I intend to go rollerskating.

But other than that, I need to come up with a plan for the week that includes a good mix of:

• Job Search
• Applying for the delivery job so I have something coming in
• Preparing for my Willow's Whimsy Show
• Finishing up at my roommate's place
• The beginning of the "projects", of which there are many.
• Exercise

You know, I sometimes allow myself to consider the fact that maybe I am slightly bi-polar. Like, a quick cycling bi-polar with most emphasis on depression as opposed to mania. For me, I know what mania would look like so I can be prepared, if it were to turn out that I am slightly bi-polar.

Mania for me is like a drug induced joy.

It's rare these days but that used to always lead to using for me. I no longer am worried about that because when I feel that weirdness coming on, I do a lot to ground myself, I meditate, I go stand outside barefoot, feet planted firmly on the earth, I take a bath because water calms me and then I just lay low. I know not to make decisions when I'm feeling this and I know I just need to stay close to home and to my people.

I write all that because yesterday, while not "high" joyful, I was feeling very positive, very hopeful, very motivated and today...pfffft goes the weasel.

But I do intend to stay busy, just more of a sedentary, relaxed busy if that makes sense.

Yeah, so I got the apartment cleaned yesterday, I went and helped a friend out and talked with her for a bit, then grabbed something to eat and talked to my bestie for hours. I gotta tell you about that phone call. And the phone call with my mom this morning. We are all on the same page about politics and the state of the world, which is that...simply...it is what it is and I am no longer giving that shit any energy. No hate, no fear, no anger. Imma do Denise. I'm gonna live my life. I'm gonna work on being the best person I can be, I'm going to slow down and take note of nature, I'm going to love on my animals and if I feel so inclined, I'll fucking do something like sign petitions, donate a bit of money, write my congressman, take part in protests. These armchair warriors are sucking the life out of people so a biggy for me is to stay the hell off of social media too.

The beauty of facebook is that you don't have to actually delete anyone, you can unfollow the fuck out of them and never have to see their shit.

So, we talked about being OK, we talked about self-care, we really didn't go on any rants. I am so sick of the ranters...on both sides and they don't do shit.

Put your money where your mouth is and stop fucking bitching.

Live a life. Trust me, it's worth it, to be engaged in living...without fear, anger, hate, blame, resentment and judgement. 

Understand that when I write a statement like the one above, that I am not a pro at that. It's what I'm striving for, it's what I need to survive this bullshit. It's all bullshit, we have become conditioned little armchair soldiers, most of us.

No more conditioning. I want to be wildly free and live my life. Joy cannot enter where fear reigns. Or anger or any of the other things I mentioned and you know what? I just want some fucking joy.

So yes, I feel like she and I held each other up yesterday, and we were present with each other and we laughed so hard and we talked about life and what we want it to look like and be like and how we want to live and what we want to feel and I felt so good when I got off the phone with her after 3 hours, not depleted and exhausted.

I love you all and I care about you all and I hope that you can strive for what I'm striving for, which is a good heart, peace of mind, help to others, creativity, enjoying life and spending it with friends and family, cooking, pursuing your interests...constantly striving to expand your heart and your knowledge and your spirit.

There you have it. Neecie's words of wisdom. Now go forward and kick some ass.

Be Blessed.

Always. Be Blessed.

Love & Light,

• Neecie