Shook

 

Good Morning,

I don't know 'bout y'all, but I don't want to do Monday. Wah. But I have to. I woke up at 3:30 and was in and out until I finally got up at about 4:35 or so. 

It's OK, I am feeling alright. 

Yesterday was a weird day. Almost immediately after blogging, I received an email from my ex. That boy from so long ago. He sent me pics. I could see him in there, that boy, but you know that boy is almost 60 now. Well, just turned 58. How can I have an ex boyfriend that is that old? I'm not saying anything hurtful, it was just...the last time I saw him, he was 21 years old. 21. So he has forever remained in my heart that way and seeing him now...it shook me.

Yes, I was shook.

Look, I don't know what's going to happen here. I'm not sure there's even an attraction and I don't think that we're even close to that kindof thing. I'm overthinking because that's what I'm used to doing. I think I should just let this be what it is and let it just unfold. This may be a brief reconnection, it may be a friendship. I was really happy to know that he's been clean and sober for 12 years. That answered one question anyways.

I know things because I'm a lurker and a stalker and damn good at it. But I will let him reveal those things and explain those things to me.

He doesn't need to know I've checked up on him over the years. 

It's hard to forget your first love. 

Anyways, so that threw me off. And going into work for 4 hours threw me off. And I got home and saw the explosion and I deflated. I took a nap. I need to stop that napping shit. It does me a ton of good in the moment, but no bueno as my beautiful sister would say, when it comes to the big sleep at night.

Anyways, I did get some things done but nowhere near what I wanted. 

There are bills lurking, there are things I need to do on the computer and of course, they are getting put off. 

So for tonight, I intend to finish up my laundry. I intend to put the little kitty tower together and to finish my room. I have a small end table my daughter gave me, that'll take like 10 minutes to put together.

And if there is time, I will get on the computer and take care of my business. Tomorrow, it'll be the big kitty tower and Wednesday, I hope to get my son onboard to help me with the TV stand. The rest off the week will be working on the kitchen, computer area and clearing off the table.

You know, the place already needs to be cleaned and I'm trying to let that go. If I at least get the apartment done by Friday, I can plan on cleaning on Saturday.

Then that afternoon, I can do all the computer stuff; bills, budget, etc.

The following weekend, I will start making products.

This can be done but I have to put aside my natural laziness and just push through. I can look around, and in spite of the mess, see how much I've actually accomplished. 

So now I'm bringing garbage down, getting dressed and getting myself to work. 

I can let everything else go until I get home. I can be present at work and make it my biatch.

I can do this.

I will be back tomorrow AM and will let you know how it goes.

I'm OK. 

A little sad about aging, a little overwhelmed by the apartment, a little frustrated with my job but all this is doable. I just gave myself a big hug and said, "I love you Denise" so there we go. Have a good one folks.

Be Blessed.

Love & Light,

Neecie