Fuzzy Around the Edges

Good Morning!

Oh man. Got the shites this morning. Had to make a pit stop on the way to work lest I crap m’pants again. Not looking to have THAT experience again anytime soon.

I’ve been trying so hard not to let things at work affect me and to just kind of put a shield around myself so to speak. It’s not the job itself. And I stand by what I’ve said in that I really care about the family I work for. 

But man, the emotions run high in this place. 15 years ago, I would’ve been so about the drama. I would’ve looked forward to coming in every day to see what played out next and how I could stir shit up. Now, I remain silent, I observe, and I try to offer support where I can. 

But it is beginning to take a toll.

I really don’t want to get back into the business of writing other people‘s business out so I won’t go into detail.

It is just interesting seeing, in some ways, myself, and how I used to be, and then to see the other side of it and how it must’ve affected my family into a lesser degree, my friends.

And also, my relationships. You know, romantic ones.

The second week of November is when this job ends for the season. And I will start looking wholeheartedly at that time for something else. If nothing else comes up, it’s fine because I have this job to come back too.

Are any of you dreaming more than usual? I am, and my daughter is too. The minute our eyes closed, it seems that the picture show starts. I had a very disturbing one last night and of course I want to evaluate them and know what they could possibly mean.

I felt like in the dream, I wanted to protect someone and I wasn’t able to, and I was so scared that this person’s injuries would be blamed on me because it happened while this person was in my care. But I had caused no harm.

I don’t know, it is what it is, which is a dream. Just a dream.

I’m not depressed, I’m actually OK but I am a little down and things feel a little fuzzy around the edges if that makes sense. Like I’m trudging.

I was supposed to go out to dinner with a friend today, but I’m gonna cancel. I do not have the money.

We can reschedule for sure.

And on that note, I do have to go in so here we go. Another day, another bunch of dollars.

I hope you all have a great day.

Be blessed.

Love and light,

Neecie

Inertia

 

Good Morning,

I don't have a lot to say. I flaked this weekend. I didn't get shit done. I'm so mad at myself.

You know, I do think the meds are somewhat to blame. I wanted to take them once a week, on Friday, to ensure at least one good night's sleep but they fuck me up for at least two days.

It's over. I won't flush them down the toilet but I am going to just throw them out.

Sleep be damned. And honestly, I was doing ok last week without them and the week before. Not great but OK.

At some point, you have to start thinking and just do.

I have been having dreams too. Vivid ass dreams. 

They aren't nightmares but they aren't charming either. I literally was screaming at my daughter in my sleep Friday night and she heard me and she knew the dream was about her. I felt so bad.

I was overwhelmed in the dream and frustrated. She had put taco meet all over the apartment, huge piles of it and it looked like poop.

What the fuck man?

Anyways, yeah, just not good this morning.

Do. No thinking, no trying. Do.

I'm just over where things are right now. Yes, they are better but I've been at a standstill again and I'm done.

There needs to be movement and inertia can only come by design or by out of my hands shit.

There you have it for today.

Bla.

I'm OK.

I hope your day is a great one.

Love & Light,

Neecie

Resistance

 

Hi Loves,

We are six minutes away from me being able to say to you, "Good Morning." Y'girl been lazy but now it's time to move.

This purging thing I'm doing? I don't know I'm able to hold myself accountable somehow and all this week, I got things done in the evening and so there's no cleaning this morning and it's just been weird for me.

But I am resisting other things and so I'm going to begin on one of those things. I'll be posting all these videos after I'm done with the affirmation shorts.

And speaking of affirmations:

and then there's a new one about Grey up:

So very sweet.

I did take my meds last night for sleep. I got in 8.5 hours so regardless of how they zombify me, at least there's that safety net of knowing there will be good sleep at least once a week.

Yay for me.

I am going to a benefit this afternoon. I will be with my boss and the family I work with. I'm only gonna stick around for about an hour as I found a nature path on my way home from work and I just want to go on a long ass walk.

This incredible weather we've had will end soon. I can handle lower 70s but it'll be upper again soon and also one day in the 80s. 

No, no, no, no.

Hot weather can eat me.

Fall. I want fall.

And so that on that note, I shall bid you adieu and and good day.

Be Blessed.

Love & Light,

Neecie

Getting There

Good Morning Chums,

It is Friday, Beautiful Friday. Work has been harder and harder for me to get through although I did kick ass yesterday afternoon like I indicated I would.

Just gotta stay on top of that one no matter what.

This is the first month I have been able to pay the rent completely on my own.

So it would seem that slowly but surely I am getting there.

I stayed busy last night although there was time spent on the couch because my beauty called me, my daughter, she FaceTimed and we talked.

My kids call, they come first. No question. I don't see her nearly as much as I'd like to so it was good to see her pretty face.

My youngest has had a week full of friendship and she looks so happy. She had a friend spend the night last night.

I could hear someone hacking away this morning and I am just hoping I don't get sick. That is one thing I do not require at this time.

I'm finally moving again. I'm finally shakin' things up.

Speaking of which, I better get ready for work. So grateful for a 4 day week. It went pretty fast.

Alright, well, I gots to go.

I will be back tomorrow.

Have a great day.

Be Blessed.

Love & Light,

Neecie 

No More Favorites for You

Hello Freakie Deekies,

I’m good today but my mind won’t settle. There is music going through my head, I’m thinking about my cats, I’m thinking about the dog I don’t have yet, I’m thinking about my kids.

It’s not bad thoughts. Just a LOT of thoughts.

I had a dream about a former friend of mine. She was one of my besties in high school. I haven’t seen her in years. Shelley. In the dream, she had a charcoal beaded gown on…maybe more like gun metal and a red flower in her hair. 

Who knows what that’s all about?

Looked it up. Strange.

Not sure what to do with that one so I won’t do anything.

Anyways, knocked it out again last night. Intending to do so tonight as well.

I was not able to drag my ass out of bed at 4. But I’ll get there.

My hair is finally growing back. All the breakage from the blond is so much better. And it’s thickening up a bit. I also have almost no hair coming off onto my brush.

One thing I’ve actually followed through on and getting to see the payoff.

I’m shit at work today but I’ll blow it away this afternoon. My boss and I had our usual therapy session this morning. She’s good people. These folks are feisty like me. I never said my tribe is normal and it is so not normal.

It’s 1:06. Time to make the motherfucking donuts and that reminds me; Dunkin’ Donuts discontinued my sister and my favorite donut.

What the fuck Dunkin? You kinda suck for that, not gonna lie.

My sister is not allowed to have favorites anymore. Whenever she has a favorite meal somewhere, it ends up being discontinued.

It’s not right I tell you. 

Well I’m practicing distraction and procrastination right now so here I go.

Have a good afternoon and evening peeps.

More videos:

https://youtube.com/shorts/Zz2fkW7oHoE?si=BsbPCvucuHtOxN7Y

Kk, I’m out.

Be Blessed.

Love & Light,

Neecie

The Picture Show

Hello My Lovelies,

How goes your morning? This purging thing I’m doing? I’m working on laziness, which is broken down into several categories.

Last night, I went for a walk, I did a little a workout, I did a load of laundry, I showered and did my skin and hair routine. Then I made the dinner that I’ll have for the next two nights. The cooking set me back from my goal though and I am beginning to come to terms with the fact that I need to get up even earlier since I am so damn pressed for time in the evenings. If I can get myself up and going, I’m just better in the mornings.

But still, a great night. No nap. Constant action. I’m working on sticking to the plan now. So I can be in bed by 8 and go to bed by 9.

I did end up picking my daughter up too. She’s been gone though, after work the last two nights. She reconnected with a friend and they have been glued at the hip. She told me she’s having fun and she’s missed that. I’m happy for both her and her friend.

I’m back to really hemming and hawing at work. I just wish it went faster.

BORING.

SPIDERS

ANTS

Still having nutso dreams but it’s ok. None of them are bad, just weird or absolutely ridiculous.

The picture show has returned.

But.

I’m feeling good.

Here are the two videos I posted yesterday.

https://youtube.com/shorts/baqxH4eQ0rY?si=X1K9bGjRyyzz0zlo

And:

https://youtube.com/shorts/7-WTAZiQ8fo?si=9XvUR0Q4AaxZ3sco

Thanks for your support.

Have a great day.

Be Blessed.

Love and Light,

Neecie

Mini Tiger

 

Hello and Happy Sort'of Monday!

I had a good weekend but still kindof lazy. I'm starting a new series for my YouTube Shorts but they won't get posted until I'm done with the current one. I'm going to start posting these all over the place; SnapChat, YouTube, on my WW page and on these blogs.

It's what I want to do, so I shall do it.

A guru I am not but I love doing this.

It makes me think more about accountability and being the person I claim to be on these videos. 

So. Here is todays Affirmation: I am deserving of love and healthy relationships

My daughter reconnected with a friend and she slept over there last night. So Pumps is extra needy this morning.

Oh my fier34444444444444444444444444444444444444444444444444444444444444444444444444444444444444444444444444444444444444444444444444444444444444444444444444444444444444444444444444444444444444444444443444444444444444444444444444444444444444444444444444444444444444444444444444444444444444444444444444444444444444444444444444444444444

And that's what she has to say about it.

My fierce little Tiger. She's built like a mini tiger.

Anyways, it was a quiet evening and I wish I had more time this morning but alas I do not. They have been fed, I got my meditation in, like, it's all good.

This new series I'm doing is on purging. Purging all my bad habits or should I not label them bad but perhaps my challenging habits.

Yeah, that's better.

You'll see them when they go up; one day for each purge and a daily update.

Whatever works.

Alright, well I need to get my water intake for the day prepared and I need to make my breakfast, get dressed, all that good stuff.

I hope you have a great day.

Be Blessed.

Love & Light,

Neecie