Chocolate Cake

 

Good Morning!

Wow. Not only did I get my steps in yesterday, I got everything on my list done, including cleaning the bathroom. Tonight, I just have to clean my bedroom and my walk in closet. That's mostly just vacuuming and I'll probably wash my sheets too. Supposedly, you're supposed to wash them every week but it usually ends up being every two, sometimes 3 weeks. It's a pain making my bed, I have 9 gajillion throw pillows, a fair amount of stuffed animals.

Anyways, yes, it was a good night, lots of movement.

It needs to be like this, it really does. Otherwise I sit on the couch and I only get up to go lay in bed. So I feel really good about last night. I only got one job app in but...it's better than nothing. 

I don't even know quite what to do anymore. About anything. The world has gotten very loud. I don't like it.

I will say this, I wish my kids were still little, I wish I still had the final say because I'd do it, I'd get out of here now.

Gas is not going down as promised. Excuses, they all have excuses.

And because of the bitter cold, the distance of my daily drive, I'm having to fill up at half a tank and I am going through gas like a fat kid go through chocolate cake.

Obviously, I am paying my bills, and on track to pay rent but there is no room for savings because of things like gas and also paying off my credit cards. So once this job ends, it ends, it all ends.

I'm not being doom and gloom but I'd be lying to say I'm not scared. I'm trying to stay positive and trying to just keep going, believing we'll be OK.

We have always been OK so I have no reason to believe that that will suddenly change, it's just hard when you're going through this and you just want a little sense of security.

But I try to stay centered, and find some modicum of inner peace.

I think I'm gonna shut this one down for today and go into work early. The earlier I get off, the more time I have and the less traffic I face.

I'm still mourning the fact that I didn't get that job...that county job.

I just have to believe there's a reason for it, some part of my journey that did not include that job.

Oh well, I better get going.

Keep going, keep your head up, cry when you need to, but then get up, go on. Living in stressful situations can be done peacefully. It's just finding your place in it and knowing what works for you, to keep you steady and sane.

I never though I'd say this but having a schedule, having to get up and go to work...it helps me.

Okie, I hope you all have a great day.

Love & Light,

Neecie