The Vampiric

 

Hi Everyone,

Sorry no blog yesterday. I'm trying to stay on top of everything but sometimes you have yourself to combat. Sometimes it's me against me.

I talked to my sister in the morning and her calling kept me from going down the rabbit hole of depression so I'm grateful for that. Sometimes, you need an intervention.

And so I was able to apply for 5 jobs, which is great. I felt better immediately, though the rest of the day was one struggle after another.

Just keep swimming, or as Reilli once said, "Just Swim"...she's got that tattooed on her and I love it.

Speaking of my youngest, so she got a new tattoo and she really liked the guy who gave it to her. He's 40, she's 24. She liked the guy but it was normal like, like, "cool dude", she wasn't into him or anything. 

Well apparently last night, morning actually, like 1:00AMish, he starts texting her and sending her all sorts of weird shit, in-a-fucking-ppropriate shit.

Like...wtf dude?

He told her while he was tatting her that he was trying to be sober so my guess is he was drinking but sorry, not sorry, you don't get to use drunkeness as an excuse for bad behavior.

So she had to block him, delete him from her stuff.

Sad.

You should be able to converse with someone and not have them take it "there."

Ugh.

I'm so glad all that is behind me. You know, I never did hear back from my first love after I told him that I'd be willing to see where things went but that I'd never leave MN because of how close I am to my kids.

He never said anything inappropriate but did start talking about falling in love and I was like....whoa there big guy.

I understand being lonely. I definitely understanding being in love with being in love. 

At the end of the day, I can write about how I'm damaged when it comes to that kind of thing but is it really damage when I don't care anymore, when I don't care to fix it, when I'm not leading anyone on or fucking with that kind of love at all?

I'm 100% OK with not ever pursuing anything along those lines again. Yes, I'd like to have a guy friend again, I really would.

But boundaries would have to be in place from the get go, like this is not, and will never be, anything romantic, sexual, flirtatious, etc. NEVER.WILL.BE.

I don't want to make this a rant about men but I swear, I wish they had an equivalent to menopause. I wish they became less sexual and more in line with where many women find themselves post-menopause.

It'd make things a lot easier. At my age, it just seems, to me at least, desperate and icky.

And in a complete 180, what's onboard for today? I have no idea.

Job search, cleaning, exercise, bla bla bla. SSDD.

What can I say? The weirdos are alive and well but I'm not giving in to them today. Just like they sometimes suck the energy right out of me, I'm reversing that today and I'll use their damn energy to the greater good.

The weirdos are not bad. They just are what they are. They are like the fey; they play dirty and think stupid stuff is funny and if you give them too much of yourself, they become sortof vampiric and it's up to me to use them instead of the other way around.

Ok, gotta go.

It's fucking 10AM already. 

No rest for the wicked. 

I'm off to live my day.

Be Blessed.

Love & Light,

Neecie