Wakeup Call

 

Hi Everyone,

Merry Christmas.

I don't want to be a Debbie Downer but I do what I do.

Today was horrible. The last couple days have been horrible, other than a conversation with my bestie that took me out of this depression for a time.

I went and got some smokes today but they were out of the kind I smoke so I got some other ones. I sat around the apartment and cried all day, I ate stupid stuff I don't like, I'm sick. 

I went to pick my daughter up from work and I took out one of the smokes that are not the kind I smoke and I threw the rest of the pack out the window.

I'm giving myself a fucking intervention. I'm giving myself a wakeup call.

I'm done.

I'm done being depressed. I'm done being scared. I'm done sabotaging my own efforts. I'm done.

And while I am not done with this blog, I am done with it being the way it is.

This blog is going to be informational. I will share personal things but only in regards to whatever topic I'm talking about.

It's going to be a supplement to whatever my YouTube channel ends up being. I'd rather do YouTube than this blog.

I reach more people that way even if my views are low.

I can't take this anymore, this shit is getting way to dark and I cannot deal with the hopelessness, the repetitive games I play with myself.

I know I have mental health issues and that they affect me but this...this is the worst it's ever been and I'm sure it's in no small part due to the fact that in the past, when this hits, it only ends by me having a bender on my DOC. 

I'm not doing that. I don't have that in me.

So I guess this time, I gotta get myself out of it.

Fuck.This.Shit.

I will be back but not until my YouTube channel is up and running.

Please bear with me.

Love & Light,

Neecie