Ok, so I slept until about 3 and was up until 5:30. That's with me taking the meds at about 3:30 when it became obvious I wasn't going to be able to get back to sleep.
I got up at 8 so I did get in just over 7 hours.
I mean, I got nothing to say about that anymore. It is what it is. I watched this video that talked about how you should challenge yourself to accept everything for 24 hours. So that's what I'm trying to do.
So no going back to yesterday, there is only now. As humans, I don't know how many of us can maintain that for any set amount of longterm time but I can try for 24 hours.
Acceptance can be hard.
I am helping my son out on Monday and Tuesday so I had to readjust my schedule for those two days and you know what? It's fine.
All I can say is that I am going to try and go hard today and go hard when I get home Monday and Tuesday.
I have an opportunity to make some money with Willow's Whimsy so besides job search and making products, there really is only the day to day stuff for me for the next two weeks.
I don't know what will happen in the next two weeks so acceptance and presence.
Ok, got it.
My mom called this morning so we chatted for a bit. I am dressed; skincare and haircare? Done.
And so it begins. Everything I do or don't do today is a choice and I know that there are outcomes for whatever I choose. Some are good outcomes, some not.
The fact that my sleep was all fucked up and the fact that I slept way later than usual? It is what it is. I get on these tangents where I literally give up if I sleep in.
So that's a choice right? In this moment, I don't feel that I have to give up.
We'll see how this plays out.
I can tell you that I did apply for a job yesterday; yes, just a job, only one. Because it's the weekend, very few new postings go up.
Since I will be at my son's tomorrow and Tuesday, I intend to use that time for job search, crafting and some Christmas gifts that I already have all the supplies for.
I wanted to talk about the picking because I know that some people engage with this blog to get updates on how I am dealing with my dermatillomania. It got bad at my job. And I've been trying since quitting to leave my scabs alone and have had little to no success. The pain that this causes is unbelievable. Because in spite of me being at them constantly, they do try to heal and it gets to the point where it's all scar tissue that I'm pick off. And yeah, it's incredibly painful.
So about 4 days ago, I decided that part of my daily skincare will be to put tons of bacitracin on the wounds and a bandaid over each one. I only wear them until my evening shower because they do need to be able to dry out and "scab" up but then I bandaid up again first thing in the morning.
It's working, except for the one on my back (I can't reach it to get a bandaid on it). I still pick sometimes but they are closing up to the point where when they heal, they aren't rough. It's the roughness that stimulates me to pick. I don't pick smooth skin.
I am grateful because there are people who do so much damage. For some of you who have seen what I do to myself, imagine that times 100 or 1000. Imagine creating your own wounds by purposely scratching hard enough or using a razor to create a would to pick or picking healthy skin. Imagine that all over one's body instead of just a few random wounds in different locations. I've seen pictures of what people do to themselves.
So this seems to be working for now.
I'm determined to overcome this. For now, the one on my back, I have to deal with the pain. If I can stay away from it for a day or so, the pain goes away.
So here we are and now I put my money where my mouth is so to speak.
Well, I just took 10 minutes to love up on Miss Pumpkin. She was in the mood for a petting session, purring away like a little freight train.
I hope you all have an amazing day.
Be Blessed.
Love & Light,
Neecie
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