Meisms

 

Hello,

Well, I've had a few days off from blogging. No real reason. I've had a day off from work too. I dropped my nametag and fob off at the end of my day yesterday and said that I wouldn't be returning.

Yesterday was unbelievable.

I don't even know what to say. I can't put all of the blame on them because anywhere I go, there I am. You know what I mean, right?

But this company sets it's employees up for failure. And for someone like me, who is only ever as good as my management, I didn't stand a chance, not with all my "meisms."

Why even go on a diatribe about it?

Again, though. Please do not ever put your elderly loved ones in a senior care facility. Please don't. Yes, some of the employees are at fault but again, the wages are horrible for caregivers and it is very hard to find good people who will go the extra mile for the wages provided so you hold onto shitty employees, or you allow the good ones to lose their passion, to disengage, because of lack of morale and then you blame them.

Your parents will suffer. This is not a one facility problem either, it's a nationwide problem. We have come so far medically in this country that our bodies long outlive our minds and what are we to do with that? Well, let's stick 'em in a "senior care facility" which is nothing more than a nursing home, though these facilities vehemently deny that and balk at the term.

Where I worked, it was one of the better ones but even so, I could tell stories if I so chose. But I don't choose that.

Our new Executive Director came onboard this week and I got a taste of exactly what people are going to be dealing with.

Bye Felicia.

Again, not even worth the story. What makes this so hard for me is that it's part of my pattern too. Like I said, I brought me to the equation. But I refuse to do what I've done in the past which is to take on all the onus, I'm bad, I'm so bad, bla bla, fucking bla. 

Nope, this time, I'm putting blame where it belongs. Me? 30%. Them? 70 if not more.

So here I am and I have mostly slept today but tomorrow it's time to get on with the life I want. It's going to take time, commitment, motivation and accountability to myself.

I'm not here to make excuses or bullshit.

What I can tell you is that last night, I slept. This morning, I did not shit my brains out. Today, I have done relatively little skin picking.

Those are facts.

No regrets. Only for the residents but I exchanged numbers with all the ones that I have built relationships with and have already spoken with most of them today.

They may be older than me, but they are by no means dumb. They see things too. And I saw it and many of the things I saw, it goes back to the nationwide issue I already mentioned. 

I would encourage all of you to get involved and to try and make a difference by writing your congress women and men. I would demand tighter restrictions on caregiver to resident ratios, pay for caregivers, not allowing a caregiver to work more than 2 shifts in a row and with at least 10 hours off between double shifts. There also need to be caps on charges for these places. Nurses, not just LPNs either but RNs. 

Do it and do it now because it's gonna be your ass sitting in one of these places someday, unless your family is that dedicated to you. And I think families mean well but they are put between a rock and a hard place too. I gave up on Mom and I have to live with that for the rest of my life. There were some valid reasons but those are all behind us now and I'm not going to go into it, it's water over the dam.

I am not lying to you when I tell you that if I get any kind of progressive, uncurable diagnosis, I'm taking myself out before it's too late.

I've told everyone in my family this, including my children. They know. It's not the person as they are that you want to hold on to, it's who they were, it's the memories for the most part. Mom was easy thankfully, she didn't get the anger and the "behaviors" that some with dementia do. I don't want my family to remember me for "behaviors".

Shit, I've had enough "behaviors" in my normal life, I'm not gonna retraumatize my kids or my sister or anyone else whose had to deal with my shit over the years.

And you know what? No one should be allowed to profit off of dementia. It's sickening.

Whatever, I'm done now. It's over. 

I have some come out of this with some beautiful friendships and for that, I am deeply grateful.

Next.

Ah, my darlings, my lists on this blog shall be a thing of the past. I am going to blog in the evenings now and tell you of my accomplishments each day as opposed to my intentions. Intentions are only as potent as the actions behind them.

So let us focus on that.

I am once again deactivating all prior blogs and starting fresh again.

I'm going to work on changing up my Willow's Whimsy Facebook page and since traffic will be directed there, I feel that this blog needs to change once and for all.

I have worked hard at making it a place of positivity but ah, I am human after all. So let's try this yet again.

I have hope today. I feel rested and at peace today. My heart is full today. I don't have fear today.

The world is good and I am good.

I hope you have had a productive, joyful day and if not, that you at least had some joy, that you were kind and gentle with yourself. I hope that you did something good for others and that you were truthful and went forward with integrity. These are things I strive for.

Be Blessed.

Love & Light,

Neecie