Oh my God, it's Friday, finally. You know, I worked last Saturday and Sunday and I'm wiped out from it. I've worked 8 days in a row and I didn't realize how tired it was making me.
Last night did not go as planned at all. I dealt with it OK. My daughter had made an appointment to go get her hair cut and I had forgotten about it and I had a whole plan, ya know?
I was a little pissy but then I decided ok, I'm going to take her, I'm going to stay with her and I'm going to drive her home too but of course, I was knocked out when I got home and I did nothing. Nada.
I did get to bed earlier.
Sometimes, I worry about my laziness. I really do. How do you accomplish anything when you are inherently a lazy ass?
And this morning? IBS. 4 times so far. Each time, the cramping starts, I'm like..."again?" Really? It's horrendous.
I make this commitment. I am going to push myself tonight. I am. I am going to go get that computer stand, the printer and get them up and then I'm going to go get the file cabinet and some kitchen stuff.
Then I am going to come home and set both up. Then Imma make the big kitty tower.
I will probably have to pick my daughter up from work and it will be late but I will be showered and ready for bed when I get her. I'm going to give myself 8 hours for a sleep window. And then, I'm going to go get the rest of everything.
I don't care how many trips, or how awful it is.
Then I will come back and make the TV stand, bureau, thing. Then everything is getting unpacked and put away and I am going to go until it's done.
Done.
The boy was supposed to call me last night and didn't and I was a bit relieved about that. He's being kinda mushy gushy and I'm like...dude.
I honestly don't think I have that in me anymore. I think that part of me really is dead. I mean, it's wonderful connecting with him but why did it have to go there so quickly? And nothing sexual has come up but I'm not that girl. You guys, I am not that girl. Not anymore.
I'm dreading that coming up.
My sister told me, "you don't have to do anything you don't want to." She's right. I can set boundaries on this.
Where was he 10 years ago? I would've been all about this but now...everything has changed. I have changed.
Work was OK yesterday. We had a tour come through and one of them women there was this lovely woman who lived on our street growing up. I asked after her and then asked about her husband and she hesitated and then said...he's OK. I get the feeling she was on the tour as a way of looking into things for him.
It's so sad. She called me my sister's name and then she realized...no it's Denise.
This getting old shit. I have this sense of urgency, like I need to cram everything in now.
And the stress is getting to me. My skin disorder? It's out of control. I have wounds I'm working on; four on one hand, a total of 3 on my arms, one horrid one on my back and one horrid one on my leg.
What is wrong with me?
Ah well, whatever. I just want to get through this day. I'm thinking about leaving early from work, in an effort to get more done. Maybe I'll just get ready after this blog and try and get to work an hour early. I don't know. I could leave at two and then I'm just short an hour.
I'm not really in a financial position to do this any longer but I don't know what else to do. I want the apartment done.
I'll figure it out.
I always do.
So I'm sorry if this blog is a Debbie Downer one. I'm just feeling stressed right now. And all the stress I'll feel doing everything that needs to be done is OK because it's temporary. I just have to tell myself that, this is temporary.
So on that note, I'm going to go get dressed and get to work and start making shit happen.
I shall be back tomorrow AM.
I will let you know how it goes!
Be Blessed.
Love & Light,
Neecie
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