No Pessimism Allowed

Good Morning!

Well, I am sad to announce that it turns out I'm not SuperWoman. It's a disappointment, I know. I crashed last night. Big time.

I was also shoving anything I could get my hands on, into my mouth. I didn't have anxiety or anything, I was just exhausted. 

I got my prescription for sleep filled and wow, I was so damn tired. But I couldn't stay asleep. My daughter had to get herself home though because I was so out of it.

Why can't I just sleep like a normal human being?

I do think part of the exhaustion was the fair and then the getting up and making it to the gym last night. 

I was wiped out my friends.

I got on the scale and luckily that wasn't too bad but all the chowing down last night? Oh, IBS reigns supreme in my world this morning. 

Better to get it out here than to have to deal with this at work.

Yesterday was fairly busy but I have to say, that last hour kills me everytime. There's a resident there who asks me for cigarettes constantly and it's driving me nuts. Yesterday, I told her I only bring two to work and she's like well than let me smoke the last half of that one...I know what it's like but I can't afford my own damn habit let alone keeping someone else in smokes. The key is not to smoke at work or to get in my car and go for a quick smoke drive.

I think this is happening by design. Like, Denise, quit already.

I wish so badly I didn't have to work, there's a lot I could accomplish here at home but I have to push through. That job is what is keeping me going, it's what's made it possible to move and finally live on our own again.

I've been looking at furniture. I don't want to spend a fortune but I know what I want if that makes sense so now it's finding something affordable.

And we need a dining room set; table and chairs (that I'll look for on Marketplace) and a bed for my kiddo.

I won't buy a used couch or mattress obviously. People might've had sex on the thing, their feet may have touched it...I just can't.

Hopefully, by day's end, I'll have some questions answered. 

I applied for a loan to pay the old one off, same bank, and to be able to do some things with Willow's Whimsy, the furniture and to have a little cushion but I have to be smart about how I spend this.

I want it to last long enough for me to have had a few shows behind me and to know what to expect with the company. 

I'd like to have this fucker paid off in a year.

No pessimism allowed here. I'm gonna try at least. And then at least I'll know if I'm really capable of doing this thing but I will tell you this. I didn't have a big list for last night, but there were just a few small things to do and I was too tired, physically and emotionally. 

I need to learn to take care of myself and know when I'm pushing to hard.

But at least I did go pick up my medication.

Alright, I'm off.

Wish me a good day as I do you.

Be Blessed.

Love & Light,

Neecie