And it’s go time

Hey All,

I’m sitting outside in the quiet morning, giving myself a moment. I’m at my roommate’s place.

I just brought a load over. My oldest daughter came last night and thank god. She got me motivated and we packed and packed and packed. I’m STILL not completely packed. Ugh.

Everyone will be over by 8:20 and I have to gas up the truck I rented and go home and power pack some more.

Same daughter rented a big ass moving truck for today. So I have to drop off this truck, pick up the new one and it’s on. I won’t have the packing done upon arrival but I will have some more done, just need this moment before the rush starts. I have training tomorrow and then I’ll go clean the apartment as best I can. 

I’m sad, I’m glad, I’m relieved and grateful.

Here we go.

Have a great day! Be Blessed. 

Love & Light,

Neecie

Scared and Crying

Hello, Hello,

Oh you guys! Terrible. We ran out of tape after my sister left so I couldn’t keep packing. I have an interview today and I’m flippin’ panicking. 

No car sucks but I got this? 

If I rent a truck today, I could potentially just go hard until noon. Then I have to get ready for the interview I have. 

Actually, I could rent one tonight, after the interview I guess. Everything needs to be packed and I need tape. I can do a target delivery for the tape. Just pack for 5 hours, get ready, go to the interview and then pick up the truck. I’ll have to load and unload it myself but I don’t see any other way. This is hard!

Ok. I have been saying that from this point on, I want to do literally EVERYTHING having to do with money be intentional and with thought. 

I just cancelled the interview because I looked up the location and it’s not on a bus line and it’ll be too expensive to uber there.

I have to stick to what will work financially and I do have a retail job and I’m just going to have to stick to that until I find something fulltime closer.

The next piece is that I have to rent a truck today. I have to. And I have to move as much as I can in my own.

I asked a friend if she could drop me there as I don’t want to pay for an Uber. I’m trying as hard as I can to make the best decisions.

Right now I’m scared and crying but…I’m also trying.

I’m doing my best here.

There was relief in making the decision to bail, we really don’t have a choice but this living shit is hard. I’m not 20, ya know?

Ok, well onward.

I hope you all have a good day.

Be Blessed!!

Neecie

Intentional

Good Morning!

Oh my God, my apartment is like...a bomb went off and I can't find my damn phone. Par for the course with me.

I want to start packing again, well I mean, I will for sure but geez.

It's a bit ridiculous how attached to those damn things we are.

I got almost all of the storage stuff IN the apartment packed. I have about two more boxes and here comes Pumps for her love.

I will never not give her love.

Ok, about 5 minutes and she's had enough. Works for me as I will not intentionally get up when she's on me.

I'm sortof falling apart but sortof not.

I got a job. 

Retail.

Starts at 4AM.

Fuck.My.Life.

But I'm gonna do it. I have an interview for a full-time job but I will have summers off and that didn't work so well last time I had a job where I had a few months off but I didn't stop to think that I'll be able to pull unemployment. That would help, I'd be able to save for the rest of it.

I have to go into everything I do now with eyes wide open.

Everything must be intentional.

Everything.

I want to get so much done today so I'm going to sign off and get moving.

I love you all.

Be Blessed.

Love & Light,

Neecie

Lest I Forget

Good Morning!

I have to it hard today. My goals are to pay the electric bill, pack EVERYTHING going into storage, move some of it of if I can, go through all my supplies for products and get rid of most of it, take pics of the things for sale and post them.

I took a bath yesterday. I had to, everything hurt. I wish I had help.

I’ve said similar things in the past but I want to remember every part of this.

Lest I forget.

No more forgetting. Eyes wide open so I can get better, do better, BE better.

I’m so blue today and proud of it if you get my meaning.

I hope this will make a difference.

Huh, I have eye boogers and a bloody nose. How lovely, lmao.

Alright well…I guess in with it we go.

Be Blessed.

Love & Light,

Neecie

Boxes

Good Morning!

Oh you guys, I gotta tell ya, yesterday sucked and today will too. 

I did get an interview for today at 1:00. It’s retail but it’s a job.

So that part of yesterday was good.

The part that was hard was the part was the part where the plan changed.

It’s so hard not having a car. 

It’s so hard so I allowed myself some self-pity about that.

Just a moment though because I’m working on acceptance and self-pity will just keep me down.

I couldn’t get boxes so I couldn’t pack. But I did go ahead and update my resume and I applied for some jobs. Two of them are way out in St. Paul but I could work two and a half days remote so it’d be hard but doable.

I actually answered some calls from creditors and gave them my attorney’s info.

I feel sad about that but again, it is what it is.

A friend picked me up last night so I was able to get cat food but I was too late to get boxes so she’s gonna come this morning.

I will power pack until the interview and I’m going to have to take an Uber which sucks but again…it’s a job possibility and it is what it is.

The Universe is making me work for it this time.

Ok, well alrighty then.

My daughter got us food last night.

So we ate.

Yay for eating.

I won’t make it to vote today and that is killing me. But I can only do what I can do.

This is all over the place but so am I. Sorry. I promise I’m trying to stay grounded in all of this.

It’ll be a day.

And I’ll deal with tonight when it comes.

I struggle at night.

I really, really struggle.

But I’m gonna get through all of this.

I wish you all a great day. 

Be Blessed.

Love & Light,

Neecie

It’s On

Hi Guys,

Oh man. I woke up stressed but in a good way. We have an out and yes, it creates financial havoc but it gives us wiggle room to deal with it.

The wild rumpus begins NOW.

The move begins.

My goals for today are to pack as much as possible, job search, and get some of my stuff to storage and to my roommates place.

I need cat food too.

I do grateful.

And I slept.

And that sinking feeling in my gut is gone.

Gonna meditate and do Wim Ho and then ts on.

Have a great day.

Be Bessed.

Love & Light,

Neecie

Love & Gratitude

Annnnd…muthaf*ckin’ blog #2.

I try to steer clear of twofers but it is what it is.

I started thinking of all the people who have helped me. There are so very many.

And I thought…I’m sitting here writing about offing myself and trying to come to terms with what that will mean to the people who love me.

And I did have a plan, I’ve been clean off my DOC for 3 and a half years but I know exactly where to score what I needed to have a peaceful death and I was gonna do it this Thursday when rent was due.

Yes. That’s where this has brought me to.

But then…my daughter came in my room last night and I was able to cry about all this…finally and to tell her I’m sorry because she has been doing her part, this bullshit is all me and I was able to tell her I’m sorry.

So that helped.

I’m blessed she doesn’t hate me.

Then we cried together today and had a great talk. And we came up with a possibility and I made a call and we’re out of here. If we get out soon enough, we avoid eviction.

It’s even possible I might be able to add this to my bankruptcy.

Fuck it,, ya know? 

I have to be a little cold about this because the reality is cold. The reality sucks ass, head and hole but we have to survive.

So yeah…

Fuck it. I don’t have a second to waste so I’ve been going through my clothes. I need boxes.

I want the apartment as cleared out as possible by Thursday so I can clean.

I don’t want to be charged anything that can be avoided.

My goal is to be out by this coming weekend.

I’ve got a friend working on boxes for me.

I’m at peace but this brings a new stress. Whatever.

The peace is bigger than the stress. I have been making choices in the past month that I’m proud of.

They are choices that take into consideration the people who love me too.

People who want to help but then feel guilty that they are unable to. I can’t fucking put people through that anymore.

Done.

I have no idea what this will all mean, I have no idea what’s going to happen going forward.

I told my sister, it’s all love and gratitude now, come what may.

Love & Gratitude.

So…

Let the Wild Rumpus Begin!

Love & Light,

Neecie