Weaning

Good Morning,

I hope all of you are well.

Me, this cold is still wreaking havoc. I’m at work. I don’t want to be here but I get paid for it soooo…so be it.

So I no longer have insurance and I’m due for a refill on my meds but I have to see the doc and I can’t afford it.

I am beginning the process of weaning myself off of them. 

I’m going to need to stay strong in this one.

Alls they really do is regulate the big emotions and I had been learning how to do that prior to getting on them so it’ll be what it’ll be.

I feel so stuck right now. 

But…I’m trying. It’s not gloom and doom.

I want my mom and dad. 

I’m feeling so morose today. Gotta shape up.

I’m in the office by myself today. I both like and dislike that.

I did finish my affirmation series on YouTube. I’m up over 580 subscribers. I’m so grateful.

Starting a new series today.

This experience with my channel keeps me going in many ways.

It really does.

I feel like it’s a good thing, something I’ve finally been able to follow through on.

Anyways, I hope you all have a fantastic day.

Be Blessed.

Love and Light,

Neecie

Be Gone

Hi All,

Sigh.

I do not want to be here. Today, it’s a combination of things.

This cold keeps shifting gears on me and my body is so tired.

And the dreams continue.

I told myself to remember last night’s dream and now have forgotten it.

I don’t think it was a bad dream, just another weird one.

The emotion at work, especially when I’m sick, is wearing me down too. I spent all afternoon yesterday watching the clock and just praying for it to go quickly.

Like…I can’t.

Every kook out there called my company yesterday and I was on the phone with all of them for at least 20 minutes.

Go away nut jobs.

Just. Be. Gone.

I can’t ignore calls either because we’re all connected and everyone in each of the trailers can see if a call is answered.

I just got nothing today.

I’ll deal with it. I’ll get through it and then thankfully, I’ll be on the other side of the week, the downhill slide but in a good way.

After today, the temps will very slowly start going back down again. 

Alright. Well all is well here, just not enjoying my circumstances right now but all is well.

I hope you all have a great day.

Be Blessed.

Love & Light,

Neecie

Lay It Down

Good Morning,

Shall I bitch about it getting hot? I mean, it certainly won’t change the fact.

No more heat!!

That won’t change the fact either.

Today will be the worst of it. Anything over 70 is hard for me but anything between 70 and 79 is bearable.

I didn’t go too much last night.

Just being honest.

But right before I went to bed, my beautiful nephew Brayden was Snapping me. I love that boy so much.

He’s just a kid, he has no idea how much it means to hear from him.

It means the world, my heart.

I would lay down my life for my nieces and nephews. My time here matters but I did what I came here to do. I made my beautiful children. The rest is gravy.

I’m overwhelmed now.

Emotional Neecie is here and Denise has left the building.

I don’t want to be at work today with my sniffly nose and virus filled brain.

I want to see my cats. Pumpkin plunked down across my neck and chest this morning. That cat weighs a LOT. But I let her stay and there she remained.

Well.

Onwards I guess. 

Have a good day.

Be Blessed.

Love & Light,

Neecie

Be The Switch

Good Morning Again,

I’m sorry for my post this morning. I’m just…floundering. And I don’t enjoy floundering. Yet…I flounder by choice. 

So stupid.

Yet, sometimes I feel I am helpless to fight it.

Yesterday was not a bad day. Like I said, I got some things done. I made these amazing puff pastry cheese biscuits but I paid for them when I went to bed last night. I had the farts and they were the explosively loud ones that rip forth from the depths of your bowels and the aftermath, that ain’t good either. 

They kept waking me up right as I’d be falling asleep.

I am on the fence with my life right now and it’s time to jump off on one side or another.

Luckily, this cold didn’t get wicked on me. Maybe an after effect of having had Covid is that when you DO catch a cold, the symptoms are dumbed down. I’ve had a couple colds and none of them have been bad. I made it work through the whole thing.

Maybe I wasn’t thrilled about it, but I did it.

I am saving my PTO now for a trip my sister and I are taking at the end of October. I’m so looking forward to that and fingers crossed that we get good weather. I don’t care if it’s cold, just no rain or snow please.

And so…I just wanted to come back and say that it’s not ALL gloom and doom.

I’m ok.

I just wish there was a switch I could flip that would motivate the fuck outta me.

I guess I’m that switch. I gotta flip myself man.

Alright, well I really do hope you all have an amazing day.

I’m ending mine with dinner out with a friend.

Something to look forward to.

Have a good one :)

Too Tired to Think

 

Hello.

Monday. 

Wah.

Blah.

But I'm doing it. I have to. 

I managed to rally yesterday and get some good things done. Not much, but something.

Anything is progress.

I paid a bunch of bills this morning.

Sucks to be  me. But....feels good at the same time.

I decided I'm driving out to Washington when I go in December. I'm too scared to fly. Can't do it.

You guys, I am literally sitting here with nothing.

My cold is worse. I had horrid pain in my ears last night.

I think I'm just sortof clouded in this cold.

But I will be back tomorrow. 

We'll just keep this train on schedule and do the best we can.

Have a good Monday.

Be Blessed.

Love & Light,

Neecie

As Far As the World

 

Good Morning!

So I have been sick the last couple days. But I guess if I'm gonna be sick, this is the way to do it. I have a bit of a sore throat, but hardly. I have a bit of an earache but hardly. I have gunk and I have a cough but barely.

It's like it's all there, but will it cross the threshold or will it abate and return to the abyss from whenst it came.

I just don't know. I was lazy yesterday and really didn't do too much more than read and do some laundry, etc.

I am going to try and push myself further today.

Because ya know...if I don't, things don't get done, I feel bad about myself, I whine. Bla bla bla. 

So there you have it. I have nothing written down but in my head, I know what I'm going for here.

We shall see.

As far as the world, I choose love. Sticking by that one. I want to be on the right side of things as much as possible.

Love is always right.

It's plain and simple, it's always right.

So that's me now. Anyone asks anything about me, tell them, "Oh Denise? She chooses love...motherfuckers."

Alright, I'm out.

Today's affirmation:

Be Blessed.

Love & Light,

Neecie

Runny and Sneezing

Good Morning,

I’m kind of over everything today. I came to work in sweats. I don’t care.

I walked into screaming and yelling. I can’t. I want to go home. I got under 3 hours of sleep last night. I’m not coughing but I’m runny at the nose and sneezing and sneezing.

I’m exhausted.

I want my mom. 

Yeah, I’m being a candy ass. We all are sometimes.

And I’m still on the people suck train. Big time.

I want to cry right now but even I could, I think I’d be too tired.

Solution?

Catch up on everything today. Leave early if I can. Go home and crawl into bed. I’ll probably be picking my baby up from work but as long as I sleep for a couple hours, that’s fine.

I am picturing my brother and sister curled up on the living room floor together listening as mom sat on the couch, reading is the hobbit.

I want to go back.

And the dreams? You guys, they keep coming. I don’t even remember any of them but my gut tells me they were either bad or uncomfortable at best.

I don’t know. Maybe I’ll be able to look at things positively after sleeping tonight and maybe I’ll feel better too.

I do hope you all have an amazing day. 

Be Blessed.

Love and Light,

Neecie