Spiders

Good Morning!

I am not feelin’ it this morning. I am so tired and just…meh.

My poor daughter is really struggling. We’re pretty sure she has a UTI. She was able to get in at Planned Parenthood for free but the only appt we could get is at 4 in Little Canada. So I have to leave work early and haul ass back home and then haul ass to the appt all in an hour.

She is having horrible back pain and so the first thing is to see if she has a UTI and then we’ll go from there. No insurance is a terrible thing.

She’s in so much pain.

So it’s not her at all, but I am just feeling overwhelmed right now.

I met with my former boss yesterday to sign and get an affidavit signed yesterday for this batshit crazy customer they had last year and she gave me a $50 gift card to Texas Roadhouse. 

I took my kiddo. 

Life happens and there is usually some good with the bad. And you can look for the things that sparkle or you can look for the things that are decrepit.

Sparkle appeals to me much more.

Yesterday, when I approached my car to go to work,  there was a perfect beautiful web going from my car to the one next to me and a big, fat spider in the middle. I felt so bad but I had to break apart her web. She scuttled under the car and I just hope she’s ok and found another, safer spot for her web.

They still terrify me but I try to live and let live now.

Spiders represent infinity, resilience and creativity. To see her and her web, is an encouragement to weave your destiny and see your dreams come to fruition.

So…I try not to fuck with them too much. They also give off mother energy.

I no longer look at them as something to fear but rather, something to respect.

I wish I could get to a place where when they are in the house, I capture them and release them instead of killing them, but I’m not there yet. But at least I try.

OK, well off to work. More of the Monday and it would seem.

I had a good talk with my son yesterday and he said some things that are very, very true. That basically it comes down to me and that I am responsible for changing my life. He didn’t say it in a mean way at all we were just talking and I love that kid.

It did my heart good to talk to him.

I hope you all have a good day.

Be Blessed.

Love & Light,

Neecie

Something Very Special

Hello!!

Good Morning!

Man, my stomach is an absolute mess this morning.

But. My sister got home safely. She’s been traveling and yesterday she was on the road all day.

So I fasted yesterday until I got home. I actually made dinner for myself and I was SO full. But I managed to clean the kitchen again.

So that was good.

I just, as you know, don’t want to feel the pressure of having to clean on the weekends.

And it feels good not to just sit on the couch and do nothing.

I was so full I was sure I’d gained like 5 lbs but that was not the case at all. I lost some!!

Whatever.

I don’t want to adult today but then that’s par for the course on any given day.

I’m working on loving myself and not treating myself the way I do. I’m trying to see myself from a different perspective because it’s always what’s wrong with me and never what’s good about me.

I can’t go into the details, but someone shared something very special with me recently. Something that had been written about me that they found accidentally and basically, it was so beautiful and unexpected, and it made me cry.

I do know that some people see me from the perspective of my actions and not who I really am. But some see me and know me and love me. I think I should probably follow their lead.

All right, well I am at work and I should probably go in and see what this day has to bring me.

I hope your day is a great one.

Love & Light,

Neecie

Good Times

Hello and Good Morning!

I am currently sitting in a parking ramp because I am meeting my brother, my sister-in-law, and my niece for breakfast. They are in town for a bit of time. I am very excited to see them.

I had a great day yesterday, you guys I got so much done. Now I’ve written about the fact that when I have a good day, the next day is usually a crash day. But I have already been up, meditated, did my Wim Hoff breathing, took a quick ice cold shower, shot three videos, and went to do a grocery pick up. I also managed to get some makeup on my face for the videos.

After breakfast, there shall be more.

But I won’t Wright of those things now I’ll just let you know tomorrow how it goes.

I just want to get everything in the apartment done and feel a sense of accomplishment there and hope that that will keep me going for all that needs to come.

I haven’t been feeling as down, which is wonderful.

My sister will be home from her travels this week and I am very excited to see her as well.

And now I have to go to the bathroom so I’m going to go do that before my family arrives to the restaurant

I hope you have a good fourth, whatever you decide to do and if you decide to celebrate.

Have a great day!

Be Blessed.

Love & Light,

Neecie

No Choice

Good Morning!

Ugh, it’s pissing down rain again. I know it’s a good thing but driving in it is a pain in the arse. 

Ah well. I’ll appreciate how green everything is.

I was awoken by daughter who didn’t sleep last night because Starbee’s brought back the S’mores Frappuccino. So at five, off we went to get her one. My sweet, sweet girl.

Now I’m at work but early, thus this blog.

I don’t wanna adult today but I guess I have no choice. And so…I go on.

My boss is coming in today so I’ll be able to take care of some financial things. She’s changing payroll up so I am only getting two days of pay and of course I have rent due on Sunday. But she did tell me she could front me a couple hundred against my next paycheck so I need to make sure that happens. It’ll be close and I don’t know if we’re gonna make it or not but at least I’ve got a fighting chance if she does this for me.

Oh man, I’m a tired girl and I’m feeling my tummy gearing up for “go” mode so I guess I better jump in.

I hope you all have a great day.

Be Blessed.

Love & Light,

Neecie

Snuggles

Good Morning!

I managed to get ready and get out the door this morning. Too early though because I’m already at work and have no means of getting in. No one is here yet.

The shining, wonderful thing about this week is that I don’t work on Friday.

For that, I am grateful.

Because I’m finding this harder and harder. But I’m making it work, because I have no choice but to make it work.

I have to make shit happen this week. I have no choice. Lots of things I have no choice but really…I do because I could choose to sit on my ass and I’m not going to do that this week.

Let’s do dis.

I miss my sister.

She’ll be home next week. I wish we were little again, I’d make her snuggle with me.

I may have something more to look forwards to family wise but I’m refraining from posting about it until I find out if it’s a good or not.

I also just want to take two trips this year. Jersey to see my fam and Washington to see my bestie.

Please please please let this happen.

There may be another one, I’m not sure. 

Have to get my passport.

But in all of this, there must also be movement forward. You know, with my life. I just feel so stuck and…well you know the deal.

I need to call my girls’ grandma. I had a dream about that their dad. I just want to make sure he’s ok.

Anyways, I’ll call her.

And I guess on with my day now.

Boss is gone for most of the week. Nice reprieve but I can’t fuck anything up. She’ll be all over that.

Gotta go. Be Blessed.

Love & Light, 

Neecie

Amazing & Wonderful

Good Morning!

Ah, I had a wonderful time last night. So much fun. I went to a wedding reception for my daughter’s best friend.

I had such a good time.

And per the norm, I’m experiencing a bit of a crash. I always do after a day of either high productivity or fun.

I honestly think this is a part of the borderline personality shit. The self sabotage peace where God forbid I have fun or do something good for myself. It’s like that internal switch goes off that says you don’t deserve this. What you accomplished doesn’t matter because it’s not enough. You basically suck. 

So today, I’m just kind of trying to say fuck you to that voice. And those mean words. If there’s something that I don’t deserve, it’s that, it’s the horrible things. My brain tells me about myself.

So yeah, just had an amazing and wonderful time.

And I’m allowing myself to take it easy today, but I am going to do a basic pick up because things got a little hectic yesterday getting ready for the reception and there’s just a little bit of a mess. I’m gonna do some laundry too.

But nothing earth shattering.

I already went and got gas for the car and gave myself a facial, just gonna do nice things for myself in between the pick up and go to bed, knowing it’s all good. All will be well and all manner of things will be well.

I hope you all have a very good day.

Be Blessed .

Love & Light,

Neecie

Vertigo Baby

Hello and How Are Ya?

I woke up with vertigo!! I went through a major bout of this about ten years ago and it was no bueno.

I’m about to shower and then I’m gonna do the neti-pot and the eppley maneuver, which I probably spelled wrong.

I’m going to a wedding reception tonight and I just really want to be able to dance and have fun as opposed to lurching about like a drunken sailor.

Ugh, I’m gonna be doing my hair and that sucks because there is a whole process to this.

I have to paint my toenails and my face and just…yay rah!

But it’ll be fun and I’ll be with both of my daughters and my son in-law.

Thinking about my sissies in Barbados. Now I kinda wish I could’ve went with them.

We shall have our time, I’m sure of it. Also thinking about my friend Wrin who is living. Believe me, if anyone knows the pain of moving…it’s Y’girl here.

The apartment stayed clean all week and for that, YES!

Success on any front is a win worth celebrating.

Alright, well I have a feeling this day is gonna go fast. We have to leave at 4 to get to the reception.

And I’ll be up late soooooo.

Ok, have a good day.

Be Blessed.

Love & Light,

Neecie