And That is Enough

Good Morning!!

Oh you guys, the struggle is real.

It also is what it is.

Life is all the things, isn’t it? 

Hard, easy, beautiful, ugly, scary, carefree, kind, mean.

You get the gist.

Last night was very hard on me. I will not be going into detail. I went to bed early just to shut it all out.

Sleep was evasive; in and out.

The mornings are dark again and I struggle with that. It makes things harder to shake off or smile my way through.

I don’t mind it getting dark earlier in the evening but yeah…I prefer my morning wakeups with sunshine.

I am refusing to give in to my inner darkness. After last night  I am coming to realize that some parts of me, while much qwelled, will always be there. Human beings are creatures capable of change but I think each, and every one of us comes with traits that are inherent and can be worked on, but that will always show up in moments of high stress or fear or anxiety, etc.

Alcoholics Anonymous refers to them as character defects. I am very good at seeing the defects and others and everyone has them like I said, but last night was a big old lesson in anger for me.

The thing that has changed is I no longer react to it. My reactions are very, very different. But I got so angry and the thoughts that were racing through my brain were not good so I just went to bed.

These intense kinds of emotions are what I have struggled with my whole life. And it really doesn’t matter if they are what we would deem good or bad emotions. Cause good or bad, I am prone to intensity.

Last night was about anger, and that intensity blew me away. At least I am in a place now, where I see it, I know what’s happening, and I don’t react. But the intensity of the feeling itself, regardless of whether I act or not, is kind of like a hangover of sorts. It just drains you.

It doesn’t matter what the situation was, that’s why I’m not writing about it. It was not something that was done to me, it was something that was done to someone I love.

And all the it was just right there waiting for me to pick it up. I chose not to. I have no control over other people and what they do. But it would seem that I have come to a place where I have some control over myself.

And at the end of the day, that is a good thing. Many of you know or may have experienced Denise in her feelings.

As we all know, it is OK to have feelings, but it is not good to react from a place of feeling. It is good to step back, take some deep breaths, remove yourself and reflect.

So I wish I had a post about Happy, Happy Lovejoy.

Not today.

All is well and all manner of things will be well.

I love and I am loved and that is enough for me.

Have a great day.

Be blessed.

Love and light,

Neecie

Betty’s Pies.

Hi Everyone, 

Good morning. It’s my Monday and I’m not liking it, lol. Find your gratitude, Neecie girl, find your gratitude.

It’s raining. It was really dark on the roads in. Scary. The older I get, the worse driving in the dark is but add rain or snow to that and kablam!

Not good.

My trip was excellent.

It was sunny out yesterday and perfect. We went to Gooseberry Falls after grabbing coffee.

Beautiful.

We stopped at Betty’s Pies for lunch. I did not have any if Betty’s Pies but I did have a grilled cheese and it was delish.

I had a great time with my sister.

Today it’s back to…whatever this is. I’m trying to be grateful. I know I won’t be returning after the layoff period is over and my heart is already done…like why are you here today girl but I’m here for all the reasons.

I am so relieved that I was able to get some things done last night; the dishes and the now!!! The dining room is done.

I am slowly getting there.

By Thursday night, the 6th, I should be done with all of it!

I’m blowing myself away! 

Now if I could just apply all this to weight loss, exercise and quitting smoking.

I have to believe I’ll get there. These are all good things and I feel very proud of myself.

And even though I haven’t quit smoking, I literally have been at half a pack for almost a month now. I mean, think about it. That is something. That is worth something. I do know I have to push myself and I do know the end goal is none. The coughing is bad. It’s a problem. My oximeter got broken while I was gone this weekend and so I can’t check my oxygen levels, but they have historically been very, very good and well within what’s normal. I just like to have that thing because sometimes the coughing gets so bad and there are mornings where I’m literally gasping for air. And I like to check it on those occasions. So I’ll have to get a new one.

Anyways, here I am. And tonight will be good, I will get a lot done.

There are some videos, little shorts, of Duluth if you want to see them. They are over on my YouTube channel.

Thanks Guys!!!

Be Blessed.

Love & Light,

Neecie

Breathing Like a Human

Hello Dahlings,

Y’girl just went up 50 gajillion steps at Gooseberry Falls. I am finally breathing like a human being again.

Kinda proud of myself.

My sister and I are having a wonderful time. I’m so grateful to her for doing this. I can’t afford these things right now.

I’ve made my steps plus everyday. If I did this hiking and walking business everyday, I’d be in shape in no time.

There are so many memories up here because mom and dad brought us up here yearly as kids. And I brought my kids here often. These things have such meaning to me now and I hope they do for my kids as well.

It’s important to talk about the people we love, the ones who are no longer here. It’s a beautiful to way to keep them alive in our hearts and minds.

One of my daughter’s friends ask that I say hi to her parents as well so I did that. I told them she missed them very much.

There also have been hilarious moments and TONS of laughing; the kind where you struggle not to pee your pants.

Good stuff Maynard.

I did have an awful nightmare last night and it took me a long time to finally wake up and realize it was just a dream. 

Too horrid to even write out. 

This last month, as I’ve mentioned before, my dreaming has amped up a gajillion percent.

It’s the veil. I’m convinced of it. Lots of things coming through.

I will admit I’m looking forward to snuggling my fur felines this evening.

And seeing my daughter.

Ok, I’m going to enjoy the rest of this day and we will get back to a regular schedule tomorrow.

I hope you all have a good Monday.

Be Blessed.

Love & Light,

Neecie

Relax Road Trip

Hello.

Oh my God, I need to breathe. I am a freak of nature right now. I did get the kitchen cleaned last night and I did some laundry but I am going on a road trip with my sister and now it’s on. I did get up this morning and meditate and I have been running errands like a freak of nature, I guess I already said that I’m a freak of nature that has been established at least. 

The only thing I really have left to do is find my daughter’s keys because she forgot them and pack my bags. I pack Way too big when I go on trips, even if I’m just going to my sister‘s overnight. It’s kind of a running joke.

Anyways, what a great week as far as getting things done. I am grateful for this newfound, pushing of myself that I seem to be able to do my goal still hold strong and I hope to be done with all of the projects by A week from Thursday so that I can relax while my auntie is here.

I am so glad she is coming.

Anyways, I will be posting shorts, so make sure you subscribe to my YouTube channel. You will get to see Lake superior and things I find interesting. Hopefully you will too.

I hope you all have a great weekend.

Be blessed.

Love and light,

Neecie

Go Ahead, Push Yourself A Bit

 

Good Morning,

I didn't sleep well but I feel OK. 

You guys! I knocked it out last night. I really did.

The supplies project? Done. In the bag. Behind me.

It took about 2 hours.

It feels amazing.

I'm so happy.

I feel kinda proud of myself but more than anything, I feel relief.

Relief alone makes this so worth it. Go ahead, push yourself a bit, there's a payoff, I promise you.

There are about 10 more projects left but the majority of them are all sit down projects.

I got this!

Tonight, I just want to clean up the kitchen and pack for my weekend trip and work on one of the easy projects.

I want to be in bed early.

I want to be in a place where I can just get up, take my time getting ready to get out the door, grab my shit and go.

Alright. Well. I'm just feeling good about things right now so we're gonna run with that.

I will be back tomorrow AM for sure but probably not Sunday or Monday.

Cuz I'll be up north with my lil' seesy.

Have a good one guys.

Be Blessed.

Love & Light,

Neecie

Poo Where You Will

Good Morning,

Major slowdown today. So many weird ass dreams. I’ll tell you about one of them in a second because it was funny but just want to mention that I slowed down big time last night. 

My friend Kirsten called so we caught up quickly and made plans for a coffee meetup so we can talk more.

I was putting away clean clothes while I talked to her and after getting off the phone, I was like, “Ok, tummy is aching a bit again and I’m tired.”

I did it though, I forced myself to clean out and organize the pantry. We still have so much stuff. 

Tonight, I want to finish that, make bathbombs and do the biggest of all the projects, which is to organize my supplies and get them ALL in bins so there are no outliars.

Tomorrow night, I’m gonna make more bombs and redo my budget.

Saturday, I’m going on a trip with my sister. 

I feel like I can let go and enjoy myself if I can just get these things done.

Ok, the dream; there were many and this one sortof morphed into other dreams but Arnold Schwarzenegger was sitting on my couch (my house was a mess and looked nothing like my apartment). I noticed a big turd right behind his head. 

It was a cat turd. It was huge. He leaned back and it got in his hair and I was mortified. I ran in the kitchen and ran a washcloth under hot water. He had tried to clean it up himself but there was still poop in his hair and on his fingers and I diligently attempted to clean it all off him.

There was more to the dream but just that small part was so funny.

Sorry Arnold. I guess in my dreams, my cats are allowed to poo where they will.

So I slept in this morning. In spite of all I hope to conquer tonight, I also hope to be in bed by 9.

Emotionally, I’m all over the place today. It’s not as bad as it’s been but definitely emotional today.

And not wanting to be here at work. After about an hour’s worth of “stuff”, I will have nothing to do.

I just spoke to my daughter and I feel really good about the conversation. We are both gonna be making some big changes and change can be scary, but we know we can do it. And we agreed to talk about budget and not just making a budget but actually living on a budget.

I have about four hours and 40 minutes more of work and I’m just gonna do whatever I have to do to get through that and go home and I am gonna knock it out of the park and I’m not just saying that.

Tomorrow when I blog, I hope to blog very good things.

And so on that note, I bid you Good day.

Be blessed.

Love & Light,

Neecie

My Mojo Da House

 

Good Morning!

And oh my is it ever. I set the alarm for 4, it went off and I was gonna say fuck it and go back to sleep, except that I knew if I tried to sleep, I wouldn't and that would be a major waste of two hours.

My mojo came back you guys. 

I'm running with it because this is not the norm and I need to get as much done as I can while it lasts.

Last night, I had a list and I told myself, "look, just do what you can and leave the rest."

Turns out I could do a lot.

I made my dinner for the rest of the week. Then I rinsed and loaded up the dishes and ran a cycle. I did two loads of laundry. I vacuumed the entire apartment, took the cushions off the couch, etc, like I vacuumed everything.

I was able to give myself a facial and shower and wash me hair. I had already organized my walk-in closet, but there is a sortof shelf thing in there with 4 shelves that I hadn't gone through so I did that too.

Picked my kiddo up and went to bed.

This morning I went on a walk, I meditated, I did my Wim Hof breathing stuff, I cleaned the bathroom and I went through the drawers and the cabinet underneath the sink.

Another project done.

I cleaned poop out of the cat boxes.

I'm sitting on about 45 minutes until I have to leave. I have to pay a bill in that time, write out a check, get dressed, get my food for the day together.

Not a problem.

I am stopping over at my roommate's this morning to pick up a package that arrived and then off to work I go.

At least tonight, I don't have to cook so I have plans...of course I have plans.

You would not know, if you walked into my apartment, that I've been organizing, down sizing, etc. But all of the things that are done,  meant moving things out to the dining room and living room to be gone through and reorganized.

But slowly, it finally is coming together. 

And the thing about that, is that it means I can enjoy my vacation with my sister this weekend, I will be able to fully focus on my Aunt when she comes, like, it'll all be done.

Alright, I better get things moving so I can get out on time.

Here is another video of my obsession, the girl who stole my heart, she is only 3 years old and that's a real fine way to start; had to throw some Zeppelin in there, it's what I do.

Lil' dolly.

Thanks for hanging in there with me.

Have a great day.

Be Blessed.

Love & Light,

Neecie