Lessons Learned

 

Hi Guys,

I am on limited time availability this morning. 

Maybe today is the day things start to change. I don't know. I mean, I've been working hard but I need the Universe to amp up it's beautiful care for me.

We shall see.

I have been realizing that there is so much that needs to change and I just wish my MA would hurry up and get approved as I need to get in and I need to get therapy so I can start working through my "stuff".

I'm ready.

I do know that I was declined for the part time position I applied for with Anoka County.

I didn't know it was part time going into it so that's...that's sad but it doesn't deter me.

My past is coming up to haunt me and I see now, I mean I see but I know it in my heart too, that my past is affecting my ability to be considered for work and it saddens me that it has taken this situation to get me to really assimilate all of this.

I am trying to see the sunny side, which is that I am seeing it at all. 

I am seeing how it has affected my loved ones, you know, I am seeing that I drove this train, not the bad employers, not the unfair employers, not the good ones either because the bottom line is that while yes, I have had some awful experiences with awful human beings, I have some jobs where there was no excuse whatsoever, no way of justifying any of my decisions or actions because I had amazing bosses, I had phenomenal support and encouragement.

There were two outstanding ones and a handful of really great ones; yeah, the rest of them sucked but at the end of the day, so did I.

Oh my God, remember Dr. Fartzalot? Not his real name...I lasted at that job for 2 days. He was NUTS. I've had some doozies and I hope to write about that one day, a whole book and every boss I've ever had. Because some of them...oh my God, you guys. But again, at the end of the day, I brought myself into all these situations as well. And if I do ever write about that, I will make sure to include that part of things in said book and use it as a reflection of what not to do. Tongue in cheek but also like...hey, I fucked up some opportunities, I cost employers money in having to train someone else. I hurt feelings and caused chaos.

Should I even be writing all this? The email I use for job search is a relatively new one and is not connected in anyway to this blog.

And of course, I use Neecie but I have to be careful who I tell about Willow's Whimsy. Well. No. I don't tell anyone I work for or with, about Willow's Whimsy because it's none of their business and that's one thing I have to get away from. WW needs to be a stand alone and be 100% separate from my day job.

That's another lesson learned.

So today, more job search. Today I have to clean up the kitchen because like I wrote recently, this apartment is so little, it literally blows up so fast and I had it all done, ya know, just two days ago and here we are.

My girl has been very, very sick. She's better today but still low grade fever with no energy.

And I finally got to see my friend Rose yesterday. She's over her Covid but because I've been exposed to whatever my daughter has so brought her her meds which she had asked me to pick up but with a mask and gloves on.

I have to cut this short. I may do a toofer today, we shall see.

Be Blessed.

Love & Light,

Neecie

Grounded, Realistic & Grateful

 

Good Morning,

Ah, well, how are you? 

I hope you are well. It's still freezing in MN but the temps are going to just keep going up for the next 24 hours and we are in for two good days of higher temps, then plunging back down for 2 days and then going into the 20s, which is bearable.

I'm feeling good about how I've been spending my days this last week or so. I've been very productive. This morning, all I need to do is put away the clean dishes, sweep and mop the kitchen and dining room floors and I'm done with cleaning and now it'll just be trying to keep up with it.

But that's much better than trying to get on top of it.

I've applied for several jobs. You guys, I don't hear back on 99% of what I apply for. It's so disheartening. I think my age shows given the dates of employment but the thing is, I considered taking the dates out but everything I've read says not to do that, that it appears deceptive. I don't know what to do anymore.

I really want to give in to fear and beg for help, but that's me from before, that's the me that didn't want to get better, I just wanted out of the consequences for my choices. I want to learn this time, I want never to forget.

I have stopped spending money on anything other than food, gas and cigs. Cigs are at a half pack a day. That is torture. 

But Starbucks is a thing of the past it would seem. I'll get two coffees on my birthday, lol, because they will be free. 

But I haven't done to Starbee's in over a week. That doesn't sound like a lot, but we have to start somewhere, right? I can't justify the cost, it's indulgent, it makes no sense. Why am I not applying this to cigs? One thing at a time. I am hyper aware of it, but still half in denial. Please trust me that I am working towards it.

Everyday I get up and I go through my AM routine and I hit my list, much of which is job search. You know, I wish you could plead your case on cover letters, like be able to tell the fuckers that I'm dying, that I am an inch away from homelessness, the loss of my cats, where would my daughter go, you know all of it...com'on fuckers.

But I can't do that.

It's hard. I am NOT giving in to self-pity. I did this to myself. I know I say that in almost every post where I talk about this stuff. It's not to bash myself, it's to keep it real. 

Nothing will change if I brush this stuff under the carpet.

I'm learning how to be aware of myself and my thoughts and my patterns but from a place of observation and learning, not shame.

Debits and Credits.

There you go.

So on with it I suppose. I'm grateful for my morning and my evening routines right now, they help me immeasurably with keeping myself grounded, realistic and grateful.

Um, my daughter, my oldest girl, she had a procedure yesterday and came through it great. Her hubby let me know as soon as she was in recovery. And she Snapped me later. My Aunt had a procedure on her back two days ago and she said that it went well. So these things are now behind us and hopefully, these will clear up the different issues each of them has had.

I went with my daughter two days ago to visit with our former roomie. He's such a doll. He is starting to lose his voice but this man is amazing. Chemo I think everyday and radiation once a week, or maybe it's the other way around, actually yes, I think it's the other way around, and he's still working. Not as many hours but the same amount of days. He blows me away.

He is someone I can learn from.

Deep breath, cuz that just made me want to cry.

Alright, well, I need to get going. I have a day to live right? I have a job to look for, I have a kitchen and dining room floor to mop. I have lots to do.

Ok, well, be blessed. No matter what, be blessed. You are, I am, we all are.

Love & Light,

Neecie

Neurodivergence

 

Hi Everyone,

Phew. I'm in go mode. You know what makes me happy in the midst of all this chaos? I seem to be having more good, productive days than bad ones. 

Don't get me wrong. Last night, I struggled with sleep. I had to sleep in to get the needed amount and because it was so interrupted, I still felt tired and lethargic this morning. The good news is my daughter had refills, she doesn't use the stuff but she's the one with refills so yeah...it's ready and I'm gonna pick it up today.

I am wanting to really try and set a sleep schedule. I've been half-assing it for years but I am at a point where I want to do everything I can to maintain a healthy life. 

Anyways, last night, I cried a lot. I had to get out the ick because it was building back up. Guys, I need $2,200 by Feb. 1st in order to stay above ground.

I'm looking. I've even been applying at some shitty places with shitty pay...just anything, I'm trying to stay open.

This is the most scared I've ever been but I also know living in fear is fucking awful. It's an almost 100% guarantee I'll go down the dark hole of bullshit I haven't been down in a long, long time. I'm not thinking about it as an option, I'm not entertaining euphoric recall. But even so, the fact remains that I have patterns in my life that may or may not still be with me. I don't know. Because I haven't crossed that bridge. I stay away from that bridge by staying positive, by staying hopeful, by acting grateful for all I do have. But of course fear will come in. I'm on the brink of losing everything. That's not fatalistic, that's reality. That's a pretty fucking scary reality.

As of right now, I still have two applications with the county being considered. So that's good.

I don't care what any of you believe but please, stop right now and picture white light with the words, "She got the job" on them and send them right to me or to Anoka County. 

I am believing that anything and everything can help right now. 

I'm not sure if I told you all about Instacart and the fact that they want you to do 3 shops at a time. I can't do that. I know how my brain works and I will fuck that up completely. First, how do you separate the stuff? Or do you do one shop, bag it, do another shop, bag it, do the third shop, bag it and then deliver? That might be manageable but keep in mind you are on a time frame. I take longer than the average person because staying organized is extremely hard for me. I have a lot of background noise in my mind at any given time. 

I don't say these things to make excuses. People always want to give me suggestions and I take them seriously, I do, but I wish just once that someone, anyone, would acknowledge that these things are and have always been a struggle for me. There is something mental health wise, or I fucking hate this term because everybody and their brother uses it nowadays, neurodivergent, going on.

And you have to understand that the harder I try, the more I fuck shit up. This is not laziness, this is the wires in my brain not being hooked up like normal people. It's fucking real.

And I just keep trying. And I just keep failing. You have to understand that the failure I've literally experienced in every single job I've ever had? I always thought it was my addiction, because that was always the prevalent thing, but I'm coming to understand that there are some true things...learning disabilities, whatever, I only know for sure that I have ADHD, have affected me and it started during puberty. I was never hyper but attention? Yeah right. I fucking struggle.

Again, no excuses. I am trying to find another job, I will work another job, I will try and pray that I don't fuck it up too bad.

But that rant to tell you why Instacart got me all fucked up. Then I found out about a think called Spark and it's pickup and delivery only. Well. Here's the thing. It's a Walmart delivery only app. Ok, cool. Except that are no positions available where I live. The closest is Vadnais Heights, and because of time limits, I'd have to hang out in Vadnais Heights all day, hoping I get a delivery notice.  What do I do all day? I can't sit in my car because I can't afford gas. And how do I look for a job if I'm away from home all day, hoping a delivery notice comes up.

I may sound like I'm being a victim or that I'm saying things are hopeless. It's just frustrating and there is that victim mentality of, "why does everything that gives me a bit of hope, have to have some fucking bullshit attached to it."

But I'm still trying. I haven't given up. I won't.

Please. Send good energy. For those of you pray to whatever God/Gods/Goddesses, pray for my shit. Pray specifically that I get a job that pays what I need to make my budget and pray that I get it SOON, as in this week.

Thank you.

Rant over.

I am proud of myself. I lost my wallet. I'm not proud that I lost my wallet. I realized last night that I couldn't find it. This is where meditation has made a huge difference in my life. I did not freak out. I didn't cry, I didn't raise my voice, I didn't decide my daughter or my cats must've inadvertently done that shit (I used to do that, I'm serious), I just looked for it. I didn't find it last night. I didn't freak out. I checked all my balances and nothing has been used so there you go. I put it on my list of things to do today to look for it and I had almost checked all the places I thought it could be and was about to say, "Ok, I gotta make some calls and cancel some cards, etc." when I found it. It was in my hat and glove box that I keep in my pantry. I have no fucking idea how it got there but there it got and I found that fucker.

With no drama whatsoever.

Yay.

I could write more but I'm bored and I have job search to do.

I love you all.

I'm grateful for everyone in my life and everything that I have in this moment.

Be Blessed.

Love & Light,

Neecie

Radical Acceptance

 

Hello and Good Morning,

Well. Yesterday was...it wasn't good. I could barely get up off the couch. Right before I picked my daughter up from work last night, I got some things done and I made the mother of all lists for today. And I'm sticking to it.

I will never get anywhere with this on again, off again bullshit. 

I will say that yesterday's crash was in small part because I got in 4 hours of sleep. I ran out of the sleeping meds I take but I did manage to put almost 6.5 hours together last night. 

Yeah, I'm wearing my fitbit again. 

Giving up habits/addictions is so hard for me. I was thinking about it though. I did get rid of one that was so time consuming and that's the stupid game I played on my phone. It's been about 3 months so hey, that's progress.

I've already been up and at it this morning, jumping into all I want to accomplish. 

I ran over to my roommate's place this morning because I had called and texted yesterday with no response. I was worried. I called this morning as well because he generally doesn't work on Mondays. No answer but I also know that he has his chemo in the AM and he's an early bird. His car was in the garage but he wasn't there so at that point I texted his daughter and she assured me that all is well. He had inadvertently turned off his phone notifications but she got it all fixed for him. I'm gonna stop in and see him this morning after dropping my daughter off at work.

I am trying not to panic and trying to act as if. I am trying to have faith and hope and who knows if this manifesting stuff is bullshit or not but I thank the Universe every morning for our abundance and for winning the lottery. Hey, I would take that.

I'm trying to stay off my phone today other than keeping in touch with people. The California fires are just awful. It's not that I don't care, I do. It's just so sad and I pray that they get it under control soon and that no more lives, human or otherwise, are lost. 

But today has to be for gettin' 'er done.

My sister just texted me telling me about a dream she had. 

I am doing some of the DBT stuff on my own and today I'm working on radical acceptance, which means it truly is what it is. And just looking at everything, including my own shit and my impulses, etc. as non-emotionally as possible and telling myself when I'm bullshitting myself.

I went ice skating this weekend. It was so fun. I was with my son and his girl and it was just fun. I loved it. I want to go again but not today, way too cold.

Also, during the week, I don't think the rink by them opens to the public until 4:00PM.

Anyways, it was a good day.

Alright, well, I must go mop the kitchen floor, wash my face, etc.

Then on the next thing.

Have a great day.

Be Blessed.

Love & Light,

Neecie

Make It So

 Good Morning,

You know, since not working, Saturday's just don't feel like Saturday's anymore. 

But I'm running with it.

I had a good, steady day yesterday. I applied for a few jobs, I cleaned a bit, I meal planned and grocery shopped.

Obviously, I blogged. I can't think of everything else right now but yeah...it was good.

The panic is wanting to set back in and immobilize me again but I'm not letting it.

Stay positive girlie.

I am going ice skating with my son and his girl this morning and then I'm gonna come back and finish cleaning, make myself something to eat. 

I am trying, without much success, to stay the hell off my phone, especially before bed time. I googled feel good books because I can't read hard, sad stuff right now. I was hoping half price books had some of them but they don't.

I only want to read before bedtime. I want that to be part of my bedtime ritual if that makes sense. Ha! "Studies show" that people who read before they go to sleep, as opposed to those who hang out on their phone or read on their phone, sleep better.

I am out of the stuff prescribed for sleep so I have to really dedicate myself to the things that can help. I'm trying to not even give it too much thought, or I'll stress myself out into no sleep again.

But for today, I really want to journal and read my DBT stuff. I also got a list of resources from my case manager for therapy. She's going to call Anoka County on Monday to push them to get my MA going. That'll make things much better. I think I am going to get the sleeping pill prescription as well and just use it on those nights I wake up and it's clear I can't get back to sleep without help.

So a chill day.

But yes, job search too. Not as much goes up on the weekends but some does so I want to be on top of that.

And of course, later, bougie bath.

I am trying to do the one day at a time thing.

I still struggle with all I want to get done in spite of the fact that job search should be my number one priority. 

Exercise, my head says.

No, job search.

Clean your apartment, my head says.

No, job search.

Journal, my head says.

No, job search.

Sit here and do nothing, my head says.

NO...no. Job search.

The struggle is real.

I am sensing that relief is in sight.

And the chance to really change things will come with that.

Make it so.

Have a great day.

Be Blessed.

Love & Light,

Neecie

Aging Out

 Dahhhhhlings!!

My daughter is getting ready for work so I thought, "Ok, good time to get in a quickie post."

Yesterday was good. I got some things done before my sis came over. We ate, my daughter was off so we all just sortof talked. Then my sister and I went and saw The Last Showgirl with Pam Anderson. My sister couldn't decide if she was overacting in some parts or if she's just that excellent of an actor.

I have always loved her. She never seemed mean. She never seemed full of herself.

There was a line in the movie, towards the end that really stuck with my sister and it was just so...true. 

I won't give any spoilers, there's no huge climax at the end.

I thought it was a very good movie, I thought she did a great job. Jamie Lee Curtis was in it and she had me dying. That woman puts everything into a performance. She gives no fucks.

But it really rang true, the parts about aging out of certain things. What it's like to be young and not fully comprehend what happens to us physically and emotionally as we age.

I know it can be hard on men but I gotta tell ya, as per the norm, women have it worse. We just do. I'll either write about those things or do a video on them soon.

Today, I'm doing job search and doing some of the "meeting myself" stuff.

And I'm going to call Anoka County to see about my medical assistance app. I need to get the meds already and I need to get in for a checkup, etc.

There isn't to much to say.

Panic serves no purpose.

I will get a job, we will be OK. 

It's written in the stars, I know it is.

So there you have it.

I hope you all have a great day.

Be Blessed.

Love & Light,

Neecie

Leroy

 

Ah, I can still say good morning!

God Morgon to all of you!!

Trying out my Swedish. Yeah, I used Google Translate, lol. 

I could not sleep last night. I think it was around 2 I finally fell asleep. I allowed myself the rabbit hole yesterday, well last night.

I also took a long ass nap during the day, which threw me off.

Then, this morning, weird ass dreams, which I remember snippets of and I have no idea how to even do a dream analysis of them, they were so weird.

Thankfully, they weren't disturbing. At least I remember that much.

We are almost out of the hydroxyzine I use for sleep but I'm thinking of trying something else anyways.

If I do, and it works, I'll let you in on it.

The last two days I struggled but managed to get some things done. Take your victories where you can, even the small ones. Don't focus on what didn't get done, be grateful for what you were able to get done. Manifest that shit Leroy.

I don't know who Leroy is, but it sounded good in the moment.

I have a list for today and I am going to see a movie with sister so I need to push my damn self. 

Yes, I know, fucking lists.

But without them, I am lost in a sea of turbulence, bouncing from one large wave to the next, sometimes treading water, sometimes starting to go under, sometimes being tossed about and on a much lower scale, just cresting on top of those waves.

I guess that's all I've got today.

I feel a bit better and I'll do all I can to get shit done both before and after the movie.

Have a good day!

Be Blessed.

Love & Light,

Neecie

The Vampiric

 

Hi Everyone,

Sorry no blog yesterday. I'm trying to stay on top of everything but sometimes you have yourself to combat. Sometimes it's me against me.

I talked to my sister in the morning and her calling kept me from going down the rabbit hole of depression so I'm grateful for that. Sometimes, you need an intervention.

And so I was able to apply for 5 jobs, which is great. I felt better immediately, though the rest of the day was one struggle after another.

Just keep swimming, or as Reilli once said, "Just Swim"...she's got that tattooed on her and I love it.

Speaking of my youngest, so she got a new tattoo and she really liked the guy who gave it to her. He's 40, she's 24. She liked the guy but it was normal like, like, "cool dude", she wasn't into him or anything. 

Well apparently last night, morning actually, like 1:00AMish, he starts texting her and sending her all sorts of weird shit, in-a-fucking-ppropriate shit.

Like...wtf dude?

He told her while he was tatting her that he was trying to be sober so my guess is he was drinking but sorry, not sorry, you don't get to use drunkeness as an excuse for bad behavior.

So she had to block him, delete him from her stuff.

Sad.

You should be able to converse with someone and not have them take it "there."

Ugh.

I'm so glad all that is behind me. You know, I never did hear back from my first love after I told him that I'd be willing to see where things went but that I'd never leave MN because of how close I am to my kids.

He never said anything inappropriate but did start talking about falling in love and I was like....whoa there big guy.

I understand being lonely. I definitely understanding being in love with being in love. 

At the end of the day, I can write about how I'm damaged when it comes to that kind of thing but is it really damage when I don't care anymore, when I don't care to fix it, when I'm not leading anyone on or fucking with that kind of love at all?

I'm 100% OK with not ever pursuing anything along those lines again. Yes, I'd like to have a guy friend again, I really would.

But boundaries would have to be in place from the get go, like this is not, and will never be, anything romantic, sexual, flirtatious, etc. NEVER.WILL.BE.

I don't want to make this a rant about men but I swear, I wish they had an equivalent to menopause. I wish they became less sexual and more in line with where many women find themselves post-menopause.

It'd make things a lot easier. At my age, it just seems, to me at least, desperate and icky.

And in a complete 180, what's onboard for today? I have no idea.

Job search, cleaning, exercise, bla bla bla. SSDD.

What can I say? The weirdos are alive and well but I'm not giving in to them today. Just like they sometimes suck the energy right out of me, I'm reversing that today and I'll use their damn energy to the greater good.

The weirdos are not bad. They just are what they are. They are like the fey; they play dirty and think stupid stuff is funny and if you give them too much of yourself, they become sortof vampiric and it's up to me to use them instead of the other way around.

Ok, gotta go.

It's fucking 10AM already. 

No rest for the wicked. 

I'm off to live my day.

Be Blessed.

Love & Light,

Neecie

The Energy of Our Success

Hi Guys,

So I'm writing again on Sunday, even though you'll see this tomorrow, (today, Monday).

But I want to savor the moment because sometimes, it's the little things. I wrote about the friend who purchased the remainder of my products? I needed to make her a receipt, label what I could and write out a product description.

I know it doesn't sound like a lot but it's this kind of thing I really struggle with accomplishing. I usually start to panic because there is something else on my list, the next thing so to speak, and I'm afraid I'll miss it. Well, I did not miss it. I mean, I haven't done it yet but I won't miss it.

I talked myself through it, whoever runs the show in my head is very immature and kept complaining, it was one of the weirdos I'm sure, and I just told it to shut the fuck up and kept about my business and it's done.

I don't know. For me, that's a big deal. Especially on the tale of yesterday because I've written before of how when I have a really good day, it's usually followed by a day of anxiety, immobility and frustration.

Yeah. So, I'll come back tomorrow (today for you) and finish this blog up and post it.

Ok, and so here we are at today. I am bummed out. So I had a job interview with the county but I didn't realize that it's part time and that it won't be going to fulltime in the forseeable future. And you know, I'll keep it open, I may not even be asked to a 2nd interview but that doesn't even happen until the 20th. This is the problem with job search, right? First, you have to get noticed and get an interview, and then it's hurry up and wait. 

It's OK. I went through with the interview and that's good. There are a few more jobs open with the county and I'm going to get on that today in addition to apply for some in the school district I live in. 

It is what it is, ya know?

I did it and that's what matters. 

Now onwards.

Yesterday was a good day.

I saw three of my friends; one who I met up with on Friday so it was fun to see her so soon again. She's a gem, that one. And then my friend Emmie who I love madly but never get to see. When I got there, our friend Sara surprised me with a drop in, because when she heard I was going to Emmie's, she wanted to see me.

It was a full day.

Oh. I also went rollerskating. I could've cried. Doing things for myself, there are times I'm good with it and times I feel like I don't deserve it. It just felt nice to be doing it but I was a little off yesterday. Still, I kept my plans and I enjoyed myself.

Today I'm back to struggling. I'm taking deep breaths, because you know when I think about the finances, I get that drop in my stomach and then I worry about all the cortisol I'm releasing into my body by having those drops in my gut. I don't really know how to explain it. And there were tears. I just let myself have them. Honestly, sometimes I don't even know why they come. So I just try to get them out of my system and get on it already.

But I'm sad. Yeah.

I'm still going to keep going today, and try to have faith that all of this will work out.

But I also told myself I have to remember this shit. I can never, ever, forget what this is like. Because part of changing things up, is not only financial responsibility, accountability and decision making, it's also not repeating this stupid shit.

Yeah, so...I very, very much want to not give in today to the depression and hiding in bed thing. I have makeup on, my hair is good, sooooo....if not a great day, a productive one so maybe I can sleep good.

So you guys, that's what I'm going to do. I started this post yesterday, proud of myself for pushing through. Part of manifesting is to act on the energy of our successes.

I hope you all have a great day.

Be Blessed.

Love & Light,

Neecie

Happy Light

 

Good Morning,

And it is. The sun has been shining here in MN, although the temps plummeted. I just wish we'd get some snow to go with it.

Ah well, I have not figured out how to control the weather as of yet so we'll just say...it is what it is.

I am grateful for the sunshine.

I had a very good day yesterday.

I paced myself, I had to push a little but I didn't stress at all and I had dinner made by the time my family arrived for our Christmas celebration.

The food was good, we were good. I didn't say anything but I took a moment to drink it all in, our little family. We're a good one. We're funny. We care about each other and it shows in how we talk to one another, how we listen, the gifts that were exchanged and the plans for the future.

Next Saturday, my son and his girl and I, possibly my sister, are going to go ice skating outside at this place I've wanted to skate at for quite a few years now.

My sister and I are hopefully going to see a movie we both want to see later in the week.

Today I am going rollerskating, then out to visit with my friend Emmie and then drop off some products. You know...about the products. A friend of mine told me that God told her to buy the rest of my products, my remaining inventory. 

So I added everything up and she venmoed me and I'm dropping everything off after I visit with my other friend.

You guys, yeah, things are tight but so far, I have managed to pay all my bills and have food.

I question nothing and my attitude now is...we're good. We will be good and all is well.

No more doubt and fear, just the assumption that we will make it through this.

And taking the actions in life to back that up.

Nice!

There are some dishes needing to be put away, some dishes still needing to be washed and my bedroom blew up again but other than that, this is how I will spend my day. Tomorrow will be busy but I'm learning that as long as I pace myself, gently push myself when needed, that I'm good.

My sister of the heart sent me a Happy Light and I haven't used it yet and we were texting this morning and she asked about it and I told her I haven't had time and then she goes, "Oh my God, look at the facebook comment on the post you put up this morning." So I look and one of my friends had commented that he's been using a Happy Light and that it's helping.

Man, there are no coincidences.

And I was thinking too, earlier, about Janis Joplin; if you got it today, don't wear it tomorrow. I've been trying to do something with my hair everyday and to wear makeup, even if it's just mascara and blush and to get dressed in actual clothes, not just sweats. It makes a difference, these little changes will lead to the big ones.

I'm tellin' ya, the Universe, God, Goddess, Spirit in the Sky, the Knowing, the Consciousness, it's got my back!

I'm grateful for everything and everyone right now and now...I gotta go have this day.

I'll be back, as always.

Be Blessed.

Love & Light (Happy Light),

Neecie

No Such Thing as Blind Luck

 Hi Everyone,

Ok, Saturday and it's gonna be a busy one. I want to get a lot in. For the next two hours, I'm working on a project. I want it done in 2 hours and that may be pushing it but whatever.

Shower, makeup, all that.

Wrap gifts.

Make dinner.

In that time frame, I also need to count out my remaining products and add up the cost, because someone offered to buy the rest of my inventory from me to help out.

Holy shit.

I am getting taken care of. I was even able to pay a bill today. This is a miracle. This is not blind luck. This is intervention from beyond. 

I believe that.

Also, I was given two gift cards that will allow me to stock up on household necessities like toilet paper, paper towels, laundry detergent, etc.

As I'm sure you know, that stuff adds up.

I'm very, very grateful.

But I won't do that shop today, I'll do it tomorrow.

I met with a dear friend of mine yesterday. I have challenged myself to meet up at least once with every friend on my FB. There are some out of towners and I will have to do FaceTime's with them and screen shot it because I created an album just for this challenge. One picture of each person and myself.

So yeah, I got that picture up. It was so good to see her. She too, has been experiencing divine intervention. We had a great time catching up. She is absolutely lovely and it made my whole day.

Tomorrow I go to see my friend Emmie. It's always too long in between.

So.

Family Christmas tonight.

I am very much looking forward to it and that is why I must leave you my dear friends.

SO much to do today.

Be Blessed.

Know that you are loved and not alone.

Love & Light,

Neecie

Dodging Bullets

 

Hi Everyone,

Oh man, I just refrained from making a Pierre purchase. I went on Amazon to get my vitamins and the thought popped in, "Hey. The cats need a new kitty fountain." So I started looking and then I said, "NO" and I stopped.

The urge to just buy is in me and I'm starting to realize, it doesn't matter what the fuck I buy as long as I can buy something and vitamins don't count because I need them so if I buy something I need, that's boring and I want to buy something I want. But I didn't even know I want it until I see it or think of it and it's almost always a Pierre purchase.

Dodged a bullet today it would seem.

So yesterday was good, I got a lot done. My days are definitely more productive. After this blog, I am going to put some makeup on and do my hair because I have a video conference with this woman about getting a longterm "temp" position. This is not my first choice but it's OK. The first choice doesn't matter, what matters is getting on top of my shit financially.

I also have an interview for a permanent position on Monday.

I am meeting a friend for coffee this AM and so I don't want have to leave, come home and rush to get ready. Therefore, it's hair and makeup this morning.

I got the apartment cleaned and kitty litter boxes are scrubbed and changed out.

We are having the family Christmas tomorrow so I just want to get everything in order and ready. I was going to buy paper plates but I have enough regular plates so why do that? I have cups and silverware for everyone so...I just realized that it's stupid to go buy paper just so it looks like Christmas. STUPID.

Well that was easy, one less thing to go do today.

I hit my step goal yesterday. I'm pretty sure I've only done that twice now in the last month but I'm hoping for that today as well.

I'm going to go do the hair and makeup thing and hit whatever I can on my list prior to meeting my friend so I hope you all have a great day.

Be Blessed.

Love & Light,

Neecie

Turning My Face Up

 

Good Morning,

So. Yesterday was OK, but it was weird, not necessarily in a bad way, but lots of interruptions and I'm sure if you forced me to recollect, I could name some things I got done. Oh, I did manage to clean the kitchen. So there's that.

I have already done a ton today, got an interview for tomorrow and one for Monday so things are coming together.

But I have much to do today and tomorrow. I just want my apartment clean so I really can make an effort to start staying on top of this.

I'm relieved that my daughter doesn't work today because it means no interruption to my flow. For the most part, I don't mind driving her, it's a me thing. When I'm on a roll, I just want to keep going. Because of the easily distracted thing, ya know?

But I am getting things done today. More than I thought I would. I am pacing myself so I don't get all worked up. I won't sleep tonight if I let myself get too heightened.

I mean, I'm nuts. I'm really, really nuts, turns out that's true.

I'll take it though.

I like my nutty ass self.

It's my Auntie's birthday today, my beautiful Tina. I always tell this story but I am a creature of repetition if nothing else, I thought she was Snow White when I was little because she had this long black hair, and Irish white skin and was so beautiful. She's still my Snow White. It was good to talk to her.

So I did want to just get on here and say that I'm still trying to work on all the good that has happened in the past few days, working to manifest more of the same.

Abundance muthafuckas. 

I'm going to go make more abundance.

I hope you all have a great day. 

By the Gods, the sun is shining today so...gonna turn my face up to it and receive it.

Be Blessed.

Love & Light,

Neecie

Total Hog

 

Hello moochacha's,

Happy New Year!!

I am pushing myself today. The last week, and especially the last few days, have been so humbling and I feel like when the Universe gives you good things, you have to act off of that energy to keep manifesting more.

My apartment has blown up, lol. Or at least it looks that way. Today is for cleaning. There are other things I'd like to accomplish and they are little things so I feel good about today as far as being able to hit my goals.

How was everyone's New Year? Mine was non-eventful and I am grateful for that. I was with my sissy all day yesterday and we were both working on our own things. Even though I was heightened by all the sweet things that were happening, I managed to get some things done. Sissy took me out to dinner for pizza and I was a total hog and I don't feel bad about that.

Today I am trying to fast just to sortof readjust for some of my goals. I don't do resolutions. I will create a vision list for the year and everything I do, will be working towards the manifestation of that list.

So I don't want to jump into 2025 doing what I always do, which is to completely overwhelm myself. But instead of freaking out about cleaning, making products, job search, seeing friends...I want to look at each and every one of these things as an opportunity. An opportunity to be productive, an opportunity to achieve goals, both little and small, to have gratitude that I have anything at all because there is so much I could be without. I want my family and my friends to know how much I love them and how grateful I am for them.

And I want to be able to meet people where they are but also to assert that where I am has boundaries and needs too.

I want to be mindful of others but I want also to be mindful of myself while doing so.

I always say that balance doesn't exist but I still think that as much as I can, I want to try and achieve it but without trying to micromanage and control it. I need to make room for the unexpected.

That's where I'm at today. I'll be back tomorrow and we'll go over the remainder of today.

Today, I feel grateful. I feel hopeful and I am motivated. 

Be Blessed.

Love & Light,

Neecie