I'm not sure where I'm going to go with this post. But I'm doing the anxiety thing where I just stand here and talk myself into feeling so overwhelmed, I can't do anything.
I spoke with my mom yesterday and told her everything I'm going through and she was really good about it. She listened. Honestly, most of the time, that's all I need. Oftentimes, advice, though well meant, puts even more confusion in my head. But she agreed with my sister in that I have to get on meds to at least address the depression piece. So I committed to calling where my daughter goes to see if they'll see me just for the shrink, not actual therapy, so I can get a prescription for meds.
So I just decided after writing that, to call. I called. They cannot get me in for about 6 to 7 weeks so she gave me the Anoka County Mental Health intake line number. Not only will they be able to help me with the immediate need, which is meds but they may be able to help me get insurance. I ended up having to leave a message but at least I did that. Commitment kept.
The whole applying for medical assistance is a shameful thing for me. It's shame that's keeping me from applying for it. But I am at a place where it's a fuck all with the shame thing. I just need the help.
If I don't hear back by 1:00PM, I will call them back.
I may be able to find something through them too, that will allow for DBT therapy. The thing is that with DBT, it's a group therapy thing and I have no problem with that but it will have to be in the evenings as I can't start a new job, telling them I have to time off weekly for a year because DBT is usually a year long commitment.
But I'm willing and I have now made an effort so that's something.
And as for today, it's just gonna be more of that; effort.
And the next effort is job search so I'm going to go do that.
I have a long way to go before I have enough for rent and I literally only have days to make that happen.
Please keep me in your thoughts.
Be Blessed.
Love & Light,
Neecie
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