Self I Said

Happy Cloudy Cold Sunday,

Hey,  I'm up and I've been at it so to speak. My back went out and I fell into chaos. Not really, I just liked how dramatic that sounded.

What did happen is that I have to shut down when my back goes. If I push too much, I pay. So no working out, no cleaning, no organizing which led me down the road of entering the somewhat scary neighborhood known as Neecie's mind.

We shall not even discuss the scale. Many good things happened this week too. Someone close to me went to the doctor for one thing and ended up having to have some moles biopsied. Clean, no cancer. This person also got a pay hike that is something I can't even wrap my head around. I'm so so happy for this person. He worked his ass off. I'm inspired.

It got me to thinking about Willow's Whimsy and how my fear and laziness have kept me from doing all I can with this. I want to get going.

I have to do this smartly. I can't just go order thousands of dollars worth of supplies. I made a deal with myself that I won't spend to much on this based on a whim. Ha! See what I did there. I told myself, "self," I said, "get a fucking job already and then you can spend." 

But I will spend enough to come up with a lotion I like and to play with colorant and also to make a killer body butter. Also, planning is free. I can research stuff, I can come up with my new logo, I can experiment with the supplies I still have.

That way, the focus can easily be switched from researching to job search and vica versa or however you spell that shit.

Another scare two nights ago. My daughter texted me from her job telling me they were going on lockdown because the YMCA next door had been shot up. Well, I drove over there and they weren't on lockdown, which pisses me off. The shooter could've showed up there, trying to blend in. Yeah, I watch to much fucking TV. But I guess a bunch of little kids showed up at my daughter's work and they were crying and stuff. 

Fucking idiots, bringing their stupid fucking gang beef shit to a public place where there are families and children.

My daughter was safe, is safe and for that, I am grateful.

Other than that, I did slip into a funk. I mean, yeah, it was a depression but this morning, I organized the dining room. The table had been covered in all my stuff and so that's done. I've done a load of laundry, meditated, showered, got the dishes in the sink rinsed and into the dishwasher. I'm about to do a quick pickup of my room, get the laundry folded and go rollerskating. I'm leaving from the rink and going right out to meet a friend for lunch.

And yeah, I have a list for today but it's mostly sit down stuff, computer stuff for what I mentioned above.

So nothing cray cray. I do need to keep my back in mind and if I need to rest, I will rest.

I ended up being really gross and hardly bathing this week but I made up for that yesterday and plan to attack this week like I gotta fire unner me arse.

I hope you all have an amazing day.

Be Blessed.

Love & Light,

Neecie

That's a Wrap

 

Good Morning,

Ah, once again, I am lollygagging. So much to do. There is always so much to do but I also know that I have a routine that doesn't serve me. I deleted this stupid game off my phone once again. It takes over everything. I re-downloaded it again this morning and within minutes deleted it yet again.

Change is hard, even something as simple as deleting a phone game can make me feel insecure and anxious. But no good thing comes without risk. And let's call a spade, a spade. Deleting a phone app is not the end of the world, it's not apocalyptic.

Sheesh.

I helped my kiddo pay a bunch of her bills and she feels good about that. I should clarify, she knows how to pay her bills, but she didn't know the website for one of them or where the pay my bill forms are so I showed her all of that.

Today is gonna just unfold. That's it. I don't have planning an entire day and holding myself up to that. 

I've been a bit out of whack, what with the full moon working it's shenanigans on me. Yesterday was good, much better and last night, I got over 8 hours of sleep so there you have it.

It's sunny and beautiful today so I want to make the most of that too. 

Yesterday I was out at my sister's. We walked her pooch after her dinner and it was a long, eventful walk. Early in the walk, I took my coat off because I was too warm in it. But as we got much further into the walk, the clouds grew dark and the rain started, along with the wind. It got very, very cold so I put my coat back on. As awful as that might sound, it was actually really cool. The rain, while really coming down, was a bit of a softer rain if that makes sense, like it wasn't pelting and lashing us. And it didn't last too long. As we came to the end of the walk, we saw the most beautiful, vibrant rainbow I think I've ever seen. It was stunning. My sister took some pics of it and you could see the vibrance, even through the camera lens.

I felt like that was a sign and a gift to both of us...and anyone else who saw it too. Just wow.

Rainbows signify hope and promise. It's a good thing.

I got in almost 3K steps over my goal.

So, yeah, the goal today is a lack of goals. The goal is to just do and not question or judge myself. 

I'm getting me arse back on track.

And that's a wrap. I hope you all have a great day.

Be Blessed.

Love & Light,

Neecie

Hopeful Happy Dance

 Good Afternoon!!

So much to tell, lol.

Ok, so first, I made my next milestone; I weighed in yesterday at 169.4 lbs. I am finally under 170. I'm at a point now with all of this, that I know what works so if I apply that this week, I will hit my next milestone this Saturday, which will be weighing in at 167lbs, which will mean I've lost 50lbs.

I have hope now, also finally, that maybe, just maybe, I will be at my goal before the summer ends which means I'll be able to wear the cute summer stuff I got to motivate myself.

Hopeful Happy Dance.

I've had some great weeks and I know I'm not blogging much but that's because I've been spending quite a bit of time out at my sister's place and I don't like lugging my computer with me. Trust me, I lug enough out there as it is. 

My poor sissy, I'm always forgetting something at her house, lol. She's used to it. It's a standing joke and I think it's ok to speak on her behalf just to say that she'd probably be shocked if I didn't forget something.

You know what? Yesterday was one of those unexpected day. It was chill but so many good things ended up getting packed into it. This is the stuff you put in a pocket in your heart, to take out when the sun isn't shining and to make you happy when you're feeling blue.

And! I am getting better and better on the roller rink. Crossovers are the norm now but only right over left. I'm too chicken to try anything else. I'm going to practice every day, you know, without the skates on so I can get my coordination together, get my legs used to doing this both ways. I also decided no lessons until I get a job.

But I also decided that I'm throwing a frickin' birthday party for myself in January and it's gonna be at the roller rink. My birthday is on a Saturday next year so it'll work it out perfect. Adult skate starts at 8:30 and yeah...Imma show off my progress!!!

So if you live here, if you're a friend and if you read this blog, PUT JANUARY 25TH, 8:30PM ON YOUR CALENDAR.

Today has been good. I made a list and so far, so good. I've got bread rising right now, caraway bread, and it will soon go in the oven. 

My step goal goes up each week as long as I hit the current goal Sunday through Friday, so I'm up to 7000 steps. Not much but those steps are utilized wisely. I'm actually over 8000 and it's 4:28 so who knows how many I'll end up with.

It's sunny so I went on a beautiful walk, only 20 minutes but I'm amazed at the changes even to my walk. I can do this whole square now, that square used to take me 30 minutes. Shit's crazy man.

I'm happy.

Happy is good.

I hope you all are having a wonderful day. I got some bread to get in the oven, so y'all have a great evening too.

Be Blessed.

Love & Light,

Neecie

Bougie Everyday

 

Good Morning!

How is everyone doing this rainy, cold hum98888888888888888888888888888889p day. That was Pumpkin. She says hello.

So yesterday was a good day. I went out to my sister's again and in spite of not doing any walks with her and her pup, I got my steps in, did some cardio and did some yoga. As much as I like yoga, I hate the classes. They are repetitive and hard to do. 

I do have a whole practice I do on my own, that I kindof made up from various tapes I've had and videos I've watched and it's really about mastering that, stretching and building balance and stamina. I'll still do my own practice but I'm not going to devote any time anymore to learning the hard stuff or doing it in a class.

But my point is that I had a good, restful day and my sleep was much better last night then it was the night before.

This morning I did the meditation, the quick morning shower, skincare routine, a load of laundry and I cleaned the bathroom, kitchen and entryway. I'm tired. I decided to blog now because I have this massage thingy my daughter gave me and my back really needs it. It goes over my desk chair and I can do it while I'm on the computer. It warms up too, which is a lot of wonderful.

I'm headed to the gym next. 

If I don't finally hit my next milestone this week, I am going to scream, loud enough so that everyone in the state of MN can hear it. SO frustrating when you are trying so hard.

But I'm not giving up this time. I've learned that with the strength training, it's good to do only cardio the next day. I didn't feel like the water aerobics was challenging enough. I mean, it sortof was but it involved strength stuff and that doesn't give my body a rest. Tomorrow night, I am doing this dance class that sounds fun and it's just dance, no weights, no bands, just cardio. 

Hopefully, I'll like the music. But yeah, I will probably just do the treadmill on Tuesdays, give myself sometime in the whirlpool and the steam room.

Bougie has to fit in each day somehow. I mean, this is me we're talking about.

The rest of today, after the gym will be spent on things like organizing all my charges, typing up recipes, job search, etc. and running some errands with my girl cub.

And so on that note, I bid you good day.

Be Blessed.

Love & Light,

Neecie

To Multi-Task Or Not to Multitask

 

Hi Everyone,

How goes it? Me? I'm good. Tired. My days feel like there just isn't time enough to get things done. And there's so much to do, that I have little time to devote to just one thing. Last week was a cleaning week and I didn't get any of that done so I tried to kick ass today and I did but many things fell by the wayside. It's stressful. 

I think I heard my roommate come home from dinner out so vacuuming is now out but I'm going to clean the bathroom as soon as I'm done here. I can multitask by cleaning the shower while I'm taking a shower. 

I have to pick my daughter tonight and she closes as a server so I am going to be up late. I won't get enough sleep because I am hoping to get up at 5 to do said vacuuming. I won't be home tomorrow so I just want to get it done as there will still be plenty to do on Wednesday. 

Enough whining about that. I did laundry today. I went to the gym, I cleaned my room and changed the sheets, I got my daughter to work, there's more, I just can't think of it at the moment.

I did meditate this morning. I'm up to a 15 minute session. As soon as I get to 20, I will begin implementing an afternoon session, starting at 5 minutes a pop. 

I just wanted to check-in and let you all know that I'm still north of the earth and that I am being productive.

And on that note, time to clean the bathroom!!

I hope you have all had a good day!!

Be Blessed.

Love & Light,

Neecie

The "Stuff"

 

Good Morning,

I guess I'm in learning mode because I'm struggling a bit. I'm getting things done but there's a sense of really having to push myself.

I went to hard at the gym when I started and burnout is occurring. 

I just want a job but I don't want to look, lol.

Yes, yes, I want it all handed to me. 

I do know that's not realistic, I think I'm just in a mood today. Oh my gosh, it's been beautiful here and last night, well late afternoon, we had downpours, little ones, amidst the sun shining through the rain clouds, it was beautiful.

I am just feeling very unsettled. Very unsettled.

I had a friend go into the hospital two days ago and yesterday I didn't hear from him til early evening and I was freaking out but he's going to be fine. 

It's just so scary.

The littlest things throw me off. Still. It's so much better but when big things come up seemingly out of nowhere, I still have learning to do and practice to do on adjusting myself to the circumstances. Acceptance is the first part and then quiet reassessment I think. It's the quiet part that gets me. Not out loud quiet but the inner quiet required to do said reassessment. The Dalai Lama wasn't kidding when he called it the monkey brain. I've got one in my head, shaking and rattling the bars of it's cage, shrieking and slinging turd around.

Good Lord.

Anyways, today is another day. I have paid some bills, I'm about to shower and meditate, go on a walk and then go to the gym.

Then I'm headed out to my sister's place. I was going to stay the night but I'm so out of whack, I really think I want to be in my own bed tonight and do some of that adjusting and figuring out my week next week.

Meditation seems like such a simple thing but I've hardly done it this week and I feel the effects when I don't and I don't like it so that's got to be part of what I do. It's like eating and breathing. We gotta do it to live. There's living physically and there's living spiritually. Spiritually not religiously. The two do not go hand in hand for me. 

I don't know, it feeds my soul and helps me heal the "stuff" I carry. My baggage if you will.

So off I go to live another day. It's going to be a bit cooler today but tomorrow, we could hit 80. That's nuts.

But I'll take it. 

I hope you all have a good day. Let the sun shine on your face - but only if you have your sunblock on.

Be Blessed.

Love & Light,

Neecie

Taxes Schmaxes, I Hate Taxes

 Good Morning,

MUCH better morning than yesterday. I crashed big time. I was so tired and just so out of whack. I was a big crab. 

I almost cried when the sun came out this morning. We are supposed to be having a bit of a good run weather wise but next week, the forecast shows lots of rainy days. I don't even know how I'll get through that. I'm so sick of this shit but I also know we need it so we don't go into another drought. We may already be in one seeing as how we really didn't get much in the way of snow.

Anyways, can I be honest? This job search shit? Every single job I apply for is something I know I'll hate and that's because I've always hated administrative assistance. I do know it's a necessary evil for me to be working for someone else at this point. I don't want to. But I have to.

Today, I'm already, as I write this, in my head about the fact that I have to file my taxes today, do job search and I'm trying to figure out how to file for an LLC.

It's time. I can't fuck around any longer. So I'll be doing that today as well. I have to do something to light a flame under me arse. There is simply no way I'll be ready for an open house by May 1 as I had hoped for but June 1 is doable. I just need a job though, so if I don't make anything, I can have that. I need to start looking for an apartment but that's dependent on the job thing as well.

Not gonna lie, I feel overwhelmed. But. One thing at a time today...truly. So first, I do my taxes. We will move on from there.

I hope you all have a great day. Some days we gotta push through and just do our best. If you are having that kind of day, know that I am as well and that I will be pushing through right along with you.

Be Blessed.

Love & Light

Neecie

Pacing Myself

 

Good Morning!!

So. I decided that while the classes I take on top of my training are great, I am only going to take classes on the days I don't do training. I felt a little dizzy training this morning. I doubled my step goal yesterday and I mean, good on me but I'm exhausted. Well...that's not quite right either, I'm actually feeling energized but my body is so sore. That's to be expected but sister said this morning, "You don't want to burn out" and she's right, I don't. 

I am making amazing progress. And I know that if I don't pace myself, I'll run myself ragged and start making excuses not to go.

The reason I'm OK with classes on Tuesday and Thursday is because while I do a core workout that my trainer taught me, it's only 2 different exercises and I don't feel as body tired as I do on training days.

I have an ass. I did not know until yesterday that I still have one. My glutes are so sore.

And I could do a class and nothing else on Saturday but the things is, I do need one day where I don't do any intentional exercising. My body does need recovery time. That's really important too. 

I'll tell ya what, it's so weird for me to be forcing myself to take down time. My MO if you will, has been the exact opposite.

I'm happy about this. Pride doesn't come into this. I'm just happy with myself. And happy I'm able to do all of this right now because once I start working again, that's when the potential to become overwhelmed by it will be present. 

So...short blog. But. I am going to apply for a job or too now and get on with my day. It's windy AF but the clouds are thin, thus allowing some sun in and that's huge for me. 

I'm having fish tacos for dinner and I'm already so excited for them.

I hope you have a great dinner too and a great day.

Be Blessed.

Love & Light,

Neecie

No Struggles

 Hi Everyone,

How y'all doing? I hope you are all well.

I am good, better than good. Tomorrow might be the day I hit my next milestone. I am .2lbs from it. I have been sticking to my plan for the gym this week. So far, I have gone above and beyond my step goal everyday.

I'll tell you though, this planters fasciitis? It hurts. I will do my foot massager tonight and tomorrow night is bougie bath so I'll soak in Epsom salts which helps so much.

I need to force the issue with water though. My pee smells bad. It always smells bad when I don't drink enough water and I think I've averaged about 4 cups a day this week. I'm ok without getting in 8 cups but I need to get in 6 to have my pee not smell strong. 

Well this blog went places....lol.

I've been hanging with my sister, today I'm doing job search from her place and I get in tons of steps because I go on her dog walks with her. 

I wanted to mention the Happy Light again. I told you all I would check in with you on this after I'd been using it consistently.

It works. It's not a cure for depression but mornings can be hard for me and I sit in front of the light while I meditate each morning and I am able to motivate myself relatively quickly after meditating...and I feel good. Mornings have almost been the worst for me and really hard mornings have traditionally set the tone for the entire day.

Not so anymore. As long as I can make it to my meditation area and get that light on...I'm going to be good to go.

Ok, so all this exercising? Every part of my body is sore. But I'm not just noticing the weight loss, I'm noticing that my endurance is increasing. My sister noticed it to on the dog walks. I am walking faster and I last the whole walk.

So...it's paying off. Do you know this is the most weight I've ever lost on my own? It's not the most weight I've ever lost but I mean, I had gastric bypass before. This time, I'm doing the work myself. I'm exercising, I'm eating less but a bit healthier. I will say this though, cuz my sister and I were talking about this today. I pretty much eat whatever I want, I am not following any kind of diet. It really does come down to calories in, calories out. So moderation is the name of my game. I do try to make better, healthier choices but if I want a donut, I have a donut. 

This week, my sleep duration has decreased but is still within the time I'm ok with so I'm not gonna stress that one at all.

Yeah, I'm good this week; no struggles, relatively little stress. And it's slowly warming here in MN. Thank the Gods.

So...carry on and have an amazing rest of your day. You deserve it. Say it, "I deserve to have a good day."

Be Blessed.

Love & Light,

Neecie