Unlearning Chaos

 

Hi Guys,

My battery is about to die and I am hoping I can finish this blog before that happens. 

Alas, I did not finish this blog before that happened.

But I'm back and here we are.

Yesterday was good. Another day of aligning with the flow. This peace is so weird. I like it but now I have to learn to sit with it, to stay with it, to allow it to last. The old tapes would've started playing long before I could've even reached this place, let alone been able to sit with it.

My brain, it would seem, is finally unlearning chaos. 

I'm finding that self-esteem is not just about how I feel about myself but what I do for myself and what I allow myself to have if that makes sense.

Today, I am still in that peaceful place. 

It's 9:28AM and I have meditated, showered, drank my protein shake and been to the gym for my 2nd training session.

I purchased two weeks of the training so I can get the workout stuck in my brain. My brain does not retain the way it used to and the way it used to wasn't all that great either. I'm an ADHD, scatter-brained lil' momma. It is what it is.

But even though the workout is only a half hour, he made me feel that shit today. I have no doubt in my mind that I will feel this tomorrow.

That's OK, because feeling it means I'm doing it.

Next on the agenda is to make my list for today and then go on a walk. That way, I've gotten in all my exercise for the day except for the yoga I'll do this evening. My step goal is still pretty low but I make those steps count. I've hit that goal everyday so far this week and I'll increase the goal on Sunday if I make it everyday this week.

Dinner the next two nights is boring but I'm looking forward to Saturday & Sunday. 

I'm going to start making plans with people next week; I'm shooting for Fridays, 
Saturdays and Sundays because once I start working again, all of this will become harder and I will be pressed for time. 

I need to be seeing people and I mean, I have been, so that's great but I need to do so once a week cuz that's the good stuff, that's part of a whole potluck of the good stuff that I insist on having in my life now. 

It feels like a lot of work, this being happy/content business, and it has been, because of my mental health issues, addiction, trauma, whatever the fuck the trendy term is right now but what is finally happening is that it's become the norm and it's not hard anymore, it's just a given. Inner fucking peace, who knew?

I'm so worth it though. And so are you. Trust me, do the work.

I hope you have a great day.

Be Blessed.

Love & Light,

Neecie