Schedules

 Hellooooo,

So. I woke up with anxiety and just the crabbies. I'm still working through it. I think it's a combination of things; I don't like this snow. I don't like how cold it got. I did not get very much deep sleep last night but I know what caused that, we'll get there in a moment. I also just want the cleaning done and I want to be able to keep a damn schedule and I feel a bit overwhelmed with that.

So the snow and cold. I don't have to like it, that's OK. But it is truly one of those things that I can't control. If I've learned anything in this life, it's that few things go as planned. Plans sometimes run smoothly and sometimes, the fugging rug gets pulled right out from under you. Thus, the snow. The one thing I can say, is that it's beautiful.

As for the cold...same. Don't like it, but there ain't shit I can do about it. Bundle up girlie.

Deep sleep. The average adult struggles with this as they age. I'm aging. However, normal range is between 10-20% of time asleep. If I sleep a total of 7 hours, my range should be 42 - 84 minutes. If I sleep 8, the range increases to 48 - 96 minutes. 

I actually do usually hit within that range. However, I hit only 38 minutes last night. Well, I took a nap yesterday afternoon, and then I had a cup of coffee when I woke up. No more coffee in the afternoon or early evening and the thing is...I don't often do that. I don't do it at all if I don't nap and I've been napping less and less often. So I mean, this one is on me, it's within reach if I just stop taking naps and drinking coffee at times other than the AM.

Annnnnd my schedules. Again, I'm shooting to high. I do not just jump out of bed in the morning. I don't hit the ground running, I just don't. So I need to allow for that. I'm getting better and better at being able to readjust or to give myself permission to do what I can and let go. One thing I have noticed is that the scheduling thing is a way for me to avoid my priorities; job search, etc. Because that's what gets swept to the side when I don't complete the other stuff. Cleaning trips me up because I hate doing it but I also can't help myself. This house is out of control (and I contribute to that) but I'm driven to do what I can so that I'm able to live in the midst of clutter, etc.

I need to chill the fuck out with my schedules. I'm already panicking about how this will all work/fit in once I am working but as I'm writing this, I know the answer and that is...we're not even there yet. Calm down. I am someone who believes that what we put out there, we get more of. Not always. Shit still happens and like I said, I am so much better with change and acclimating to what is but I do know in changing my self-talk and by pushing through, I get more of the same and I'm rewarded with peace of mind.

Today, I have done all the vacuuming and have cleaned my room. I did meditate even though I didn't want to, that's for sure a non-negotiable. And that was the start of me feeling better about today. So, there are things that I am hoping to get done in addition to what I've already done and they are doable.

This week is pretty much closed until Friday, when I will finish up the cleaning and also do a bunch of stuff I don't want to. I have my day planned tomorrow and it's full but mostly with fun stuff for my daughter and I. And Thursday, after I go to the gym, I am getting a massage. I need one, for all the reasons so between tomorrow and Thursday, I should be full of the good stuff and be able to pull from that energy and to have enough gratitude to do all the stuff I just don't want to do. But once it's done, it's done.

And my back massager turned off as did my ES. So my work here is done, lol. 

Time to keep pushing through.

I hope you all have a great day, stay warm!!

Be Blessed!

Love & Light,

Neecie