Good Morning,
Well, I seem to have shook off whatever lethargy I've been having. So today, I'm running with it. God I got my nails done on Wednesday and I had them cut down and it is just so much easier to type. When I write these entries, I don't correct as I go as it would take hours to write one blog. Nope, I go back when I'm done and edit at that point. Even then, some things get by me.
So as far as the past few days, I managed not to give in to the lethargy completely. When I'm lazy during the day, I tend not to sleep as well. And so I pushed myself, probably not as much as I could've but it's something.
Room for improvement but no room for shame. I don't play that anymore. If I choose laziness, it's on me and I accept it but I don't sit there and ruminate about what a POS I am.
I made a list yesterday for today and tomorrow and will be making one for the entire week. Those perfect weeks I write about wanting to achieve? Yeah, I'm doing that this coming week. I'm going to try my best to stay off of my phone and to just push through, not even give myself enough time to talk myself into NOT doing what's on the list.
Imma be a busy girl.
But there are milestones just within reach. Elusive little fuckers though, let me tell you.
So I'm not going to go into the list for the day, that's boring, but I will let you know tomorrow how I do. Tomorrow is my day not to exercise and the temptation is to go work out but I need this one day and so I'm going to give it to myself.iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii8
That was my cat saying hi. I get in front of the computer and suddenly my office is very interesting.
Anyways, although my list for the week itself can be viewed as a goal, I am also setting the goal of decreasing phone time, not eating in my room and reading my meditation book one time a day. I've got this lovely one, specifically for women and I've had it since my son was born but I've never been through the entire thing and I want to. I like it because it's just about women's spirituality; it's not for women in recovery or program related, it's just about and for women. The final one is to practice eating mindfully, really chewing and tasting and experiencing. The more you chew, the better for your digestive system.
And because my IBS has improved drastically over the past year, I will do anything to keep that truth in my life. The chewing thoroughly also helps the IBS, so yeah, I'm in.
So the swelling on the top of my feet is gone. It's not fluids, it's fat pockets and they are gone, I do believe that this is due to the electrical stimulation. I'm going to really focus on my ankles and work my way up my calves. Even my massage therapist noticed it yesterday when I went in. I thought I could see it but she commented on it without me saying anything.
Yay. And yay for her too because she is so amazing. I felt very inspired by her again. We talked a lot about fear and how it gets in the way of progress. Fearing something isn't wrong, it's what you do with it.
Shockingly, I am learning (and becoming accomplished) at it. This is all good. The thing about getting calmer and having less anxiety is that I am hyper aware of it in others and also very aware of how the anxiety of others can affect me. I'm wanting to look into that further. You know, how can I protect myself and still be there for others when they are experiencing anxiety. I can't be around a certain intensity of it at all. Normal anxiety in others doesn't faze me at all. So I'd like to fall somewhere in the middle with what I can handle. I think setting healthy boundaries is what has gotten me this far and I'll keep doing that but there will always be circumstances where someone around me escalates and in small doses, yes, I can be there for it but that really deep, intense anxiety? Nope. I really believe that's when therapy is required anyways.
DBT was an amazing therapy and it does work but it's just like anything else; you have to want the change, you have to do the work (consistently) or you won't get better.
Any change requires that consistency. One session isn't going to make you better, ya know? Just like going to the gym once doesn't make me physically fit.
So there you have my blog for the day. It is Friday and I hope you all have a great day.
Be Blessed.
Love & Light,
Neecie
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