Fear/Control

 

Hi Everyone,

You know what? Let's call a spade a spade. I have just been so crabby and so tired lately.  I don't want  this to be a bash on myself session but you know, if I'm truthful, I really didn't do anything I set out to do with this time off and I got in my head again and things really have been so much better but man, I can talk myself out of anything, anything.

Denial of my situation, denial of where things are really at, denial of consequences...I'm still doing that. And it's nothing compared to what I used to be in denial about, I'm not "up" to anything but just life stuff and the procrastination with me...ugh.

I am lazy. I always have been. But...I also grind but only when I have to and when I look at my friends, I'm like...sheesh, where does that energy come from because I've never had it, except in spurts, and as far as motivation...I do not have sustained motivation.

I need to put up signs everywhere with words like:

• Endurance
• Consistency
• Belief
• Faith
• Perseverance
• Persistance
• Inspired

You get the gist.

I need to do that or I need to type those words out and read them every morning and every night and I think I need to make a list of my end goals and dreams so I know what I'm working towards.

Tonight, my daughters' grandma is coming into town and she's going to be here for the next two nights because my oldest daughter's reception is tomorrow. So we will be meeting for dinner tonight and then I'll go to their hotel tomorrow so they can follow me out to the location.

My baby took a behind the wheel drive yesterday and feels really good about it so I let her drive us to the store last night and she did good with that too.

So hard for me give up that control. I feel like I'm trapped when someone else is driving. It's a total fear/control thing. 

She did good though. I'm proud of her.

Ok, well, Oh...yeah. I got a job, lol. I'm excited and happy about it. I'm going to HAVE to work on my time management though, not at the job, but before and after, and I am going to HAVE to get to bed at a decent time.

Alright, we all know that drill...time to stop talking and start doing and I must remember:

There is no try.

There is only do.

Have a great day!! Be Blessed.

Love & Light,

Neecoe