Happy New Year's Eve! Another year bites the dust. I'm not in a go back over the entire year kind of mood but I will still cover everything that's gone on since last I blogged.
I'm thinking I will talk about my job today. Or should I say my former job? Yes, I did quit. I was exhausted and it became evident that certain patterns were starting to emerge and I used that as a chance to practice what I've been learning in therapy but there came a point when I realized that sometimes you just have to throw in the gauntlet.
So that's what I did, I threw down.
I have no bad feelings about it whatsoever, other than the loss of medical insurance. It's not an ego thing, I'm not standing from the roof top justifying my actions or putting the people at my job down to excuse my decision.
It is what it is and while I will tell you the kinds of things going on, it's just the details as I experienced them. There is no blame though and I in no way think I'm better than anyone. I wanted to stick around, make my way through it until I found another job but...well let's just jump in.
I know that everyone knew I started out working remote. In all honesty, there was never a promise that I would be working remote forever. I got the job when the pandemic was just starting to wind down a bit. I was living with mom at that time, caring for her and a remote job was a dream come true for me. I remember being so grateful.
Anyways, long story short, last summer we began a cycle of constant change. First, we were to work remote 2 days a week, then it became 3 days a week and ended at 4.
My team was not happy but either was anyone else affected by this in the beginning. I'm not gonna sit here and rip on the highers up. At the end of the day, that's not why I quit.
While everyone else slowly accepted this new reality, our team lost their shit and never found it again. I was miserable. And I slowly came to a place of acceptance myself. I knew I didn't like the drive, I knew I'd need to find something else but I just realized it was my own choice to sit there miserable about it. But the minute I stopped engaging in the bitching, those who remained on my team, turned on me. All but my boss and one other team member.
My boss.
So my original boss took a leave of absence after the changes. It affected him too but for reasons I won't go into here.
That was a huge loss for me. Like, I literally had to grieve because he had been so encouraging and so supportive of all I had gone through while employed and yeah...it was a loss. And my heart was sad that he was sad.
My new immediate boss was his boss and she wasn't bad but she wasn't him either. That may sound unfair but some people are born leaders and some...are just blah.
I found myself suddenly the focus of everyone's ire. Discussions about me were whispered right in my presence; I'd hear psssp psssp psssp, Denise. Denise psssp pssssp pssssp. I was singled out with fliers put on my chair but not anyone else's. I got snapped at. It was unbelievable. You have to understand that only one of my team members (that engaged in this) was younger than me. And she was 50!! I felt like I was in an adult version of Mean Girls. Or remember the book Blubber by Judy Blume? Yeah, I was Blubber.
And you know, I hung in there. I used all the skills I've learned in therapy. It was a good opportunity for that. But things got worse and worse.
I have worked in some bad situations before, I've worked for a bi-polar boss who would come in one day so happy you'd swear she was on something and whose wild antics you'd crack up at, but who then would come in the next day and tell you to go hang yourself. I've worked in environments where the boss was having affairs with the admins. I've worked in situations where the boss would make us sit through an hour of him lecturing us about how much we sucked. I've been through it all but this one took the cake, because it was coworkers.
And it was my therapist who finally said, "I support you if you leave, this is abusive at best." So I left. And I mean, that's the short, sweet version but it covers everything. And the relief I felt the day I turned my notice in, I can't even. I just can't even. I slept for days, lol.
And I'm Ok for now. I mean, at least financially, I have a bit of wiggle room.
I want desperately to move but that'll happen within a few months of me getting another job. We'll go into the financial piece in another blog.
So that's what happened there.
Yeah, I'll do the financial piece the next time I blog. I hope you all did something fun last night. I was with friends, although I was at home and in bed by 10:15.
And today, my lazy ass lounged all day long with Pumpkin and I loved every second of it.
No apologies.
Be Blessed!
Love and Light,
Neecie
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